Still full of hate and discontent

If these mouth breathing fuck tards knew what I was capable of if I were half as bad as they think or accuse me... I'd chain her down and fuck a hooker on top of her and then shoot them both through the stomach with one round so they have time to talk it out in agony before they die. Ok, I would never do that, but I'm sick of trying to convince them of the truth. I'm about ready to embrace the lie to proportions that are not able to be measured. You can only take so much and be beat down so far by them and the VA.

I'm reading my 1st Sgt's journal from the war for the first time and it isn't helping me any, but neither is being accused of being a shit heel for doing everything she ever asked. Maybe it's for the better that she goes, it's only been 7 months and her kids don't like me that much and she hasn't met my boy yet.

Out of straws to grasp at and believing the VA more and more. How can she sleep so soundly in a recliner while I am freaking out at the thought that she really means what she says every time she gets mad at me? I'm sick of trying to convince someone to want to be around me, I'll get by. Just swallow a little harder and screw the cap on a little tighter. I'll put up a pic of part of the VA's report on me in hope that someone somewhere won't think I'm super Hitler.

I mean, come on, I shot at and may have killed people that didn't piss me off as bad as these civilians... At least I knew I was dealing with people who would pretend to be nice before they tried to kill me... AND I saw it coming. Not like now, I just get blindsided at every turn, (and yes, most of it is my fault because I'm a degenerate fucking drunk, go judge someone who gives a shit) and I am running out of options. I'm too old to go contracting in the sand box, they are making me play the happy civilian and it is killing me. It really sucks having no outlet and nothing but this as my only means to vent. Oh well, I guess this is that whole "adult thing" they told me about. Time to strap on my big boy pants, swallow just a little harder, and screw the cap a little tighter then hope the heart attack takes me out before I become a more annoying problem to anyone. Unless I finish this twelve pack and find her pistol before she leaves me.