Saturday, December 26, 2009

Fuck two thousand and swine

Don't know how to get music on here, so if possible and able, put the song "Life of Mine" from Five.Bolt.Main in the background as you read this to set the mood:)

Here I sit on Saturday morning, rather stand as I am in my office (basement) with a pot of coffee strong enough that my friend had to water it down (score 1 for me, seriously, this shit will pucker your asshole instantly, great shit.) and two sips had me running for the washroom to lose a few pounds of Christmas cookies. I have a pack of smokes, no hangover, the house to myself for the weekend, and an empty bed, I sure know how to fucking party, eh? Last night I got home from festivities around 1500 and played video games until 0000, had one and a half beers and talked to my cat about the year in review.
This is my new beer coozy, think it may be my new profile picture, I'll put it to a vote here, if the votes for yea outnumber the nay's it stays.


This is what 2000 and swine did to me, I am the deer on the left...

Like my partner in functional alcoholism V, the first few moments of new years eve stuff sucked fetid donkey balls. (cap's left off because I hate it that much) I was with the the girl I was dating at the time, the super hippie from Toronto, guess she couldn't find a date for the night. I had just gotten laid off a week before x-mas, and was stone sober because she didn't like booze of any kind. We sat on the couch and watched the ball drop, she didn't even kiss me, we went to bed and no play time for the white kid either:( She snored and hogged the covers too, bitch... The spring semester was hard and I didn't find a job until the end of May. I spent the summer drunk which was ok, playing with my two new bands and slowly realizing my new job sucked more than a hooker on pay day. Had a small hope that the tour my band was supposed to go on for 7 weeks would be the vacation and adventure I needed for my sanity and to punish my liver for burning dinner the week before... Well two weeks before it went off, after I had dropped school for the semester and all that, the band who shall remain nameless so I don't get sued, freaked out that we were going to make a measly 150 a show and get our rider of food and a hotel room. The two guys that bitched would have lost about 35 bucks a night with us getting paid. We were told we were now doing 7 weeks on the road for free and we should be lucky that we didn't have to pay them to play each show. They are a good band, they used to be kinda big, sort of... They don't warrant a pay to play tour, especially since we (my band I wasn't in the band for last years tour) toured with them last year and got paid, we are a national touring band for fuck sake, not as big as they are, but still in the same category, we are signed to a record label and have a fan base around the country for all intensive purposes. We did not go. My life has sucked immensely since tour was supposed to happen, my car broke down, had to borrow money and not pay bills to get it fixed, from me letting other people use my stuff at the open mic my other band hosts, I have $500 of shit to replace that I cannot afford and an important show tonight, my phone went for a swim (more on that later), and everything in general has just sucked. I can't help but think things would not have been so shitty had I been on the road, I also would have gotten to possibly meet and have beers with some of you hip cats and kittens, the three of you who read this dribble, ha ha ha! Had a good prospect on a new job, didn't go in my favour and went through one psycho bitch after another, each more fucked up than the last. And I cut my nipple shaving once over the summer too, hurt worse than getting it pierced.

This year for new years, I may have a gig, opening slot so I will be sweaty, half drunk, and downtown with 3000 worth of drums in my car on the night with the most crime, cops, and retards out imaginable. Gig probably won't happen, hope it doesn't, but the only offer I have so far is to go hang out with a skirt I can't fuck in a place where I can't get drunk. I have a show in Erie, PA on the first at night, so I can only drink till about 6am, but that isn't a problem, though I will probably just sit at the house and play a game that lets me knife people in the kidney's. I will be on the beer however, a couple of you may get drunk dialed/texted, but probably not, cause I have done it a couple times and no one is up or bored by the time I get housed, I don't call ex's and whine, I call random people and try to tell jokes or at least be entertaining, not sure if it works, ha ha ha! As far as a resolution goes? Not sure, not going to do the stupid hippie jive everyone else does, " I want to not be a fat fuck", or "I want world peace and babies not to cry", or "I am going to do this year for me", ect, fuck that shit, it is all just talk. A bunch of pathetic whining that never gets accomplished anyway. I guess I will just try to stay away from the psycho's and dick bags that made this last year so unrelentingly miserable.




So, last weekend I went to an ugly sweater party, it was a small crowd and really nice and cool people, hope I didn't make an ass out of myself and they would hang out with me again, I caught this one broad peepin me most the night, but her bud told me she is dating someone, wonder why that never came up when we were chatting, ha ha ha! Oh well, back into the pond. I was peeled and after about 13 beers, I was out and had to switch to Jack, my arch nemesis, I hate Jack more than I hate the homeless 22 yr old Nam vet who is better dressed than I am asking me for money outside of Walmart. That kid will die by my hand one day, and I promise it will be slow and painful and I will be laughing my dick off the entire time. By about my third mug of Jack, I think I remember my phone slipping out of my hand and into said beverage, fail. We ended up going to the local scissor hut after the party for a friend of a friends birthday party, I was still capable of coherent conversation too! Is it bad that even on 13 beers and a half bottle of Jack that people don't believe I am drunk? Instead of chasing tail with the other guys, my dumb ass spent an hour sitting outside chain smoking and talking to this dame about how to get the girl she liked to notice her. I should just hang my hat up now and become a fucking Eunic or however the sex you spell it. (mac dictionary has failed me again which means I am not even close!) I went to the T-mobile store the next morning after about 4 hours of sleep and a slight headache, the guy asks me what happened cause it has water damage. I told him what I remember and he asked if it was me that had booze scented cologne on. I told him how much I had imbibed the prior evening and he was astonished, not a good sign:) 130 fucking dollars to replace this hippie ass piece of shit phone WITH FUCKING INSURANCE!!! Well the 100 I had for x-mas shopping was gone, I officially suck. My mom saved the day by sending me a couple things to wrap for my sister's fuck trophies and my grandmother so I didn't look like a complete shit heel. She also replaced my drum tuner for xmas, it was "lost" earlier in the year but the guy that "didn't steal it and doesn't know anything about it" off'd himself so I can't bitch anymore... fucker.

Hoping to get some good pictures from the show tonight, rumor of an after party, not sure if it is true. Supposed to be a good crowd and a lot of people seem genuinely interested in the guitar raffle, we are autographing it for the winner at their request, hope it goes well, the proceeds from it are going towards our new PA.

My boss ran out of work/money so he loaned me to another company for a few weeks, going to see if they will hire me, but they probably won't since this group of electrical contractors work together and share employee's when needed. It is a bigger and better company though. I got back into school for January, have to do fin aid, and hope there are still some useful classes left open.

Have a good weekend everyone, be safe, but have a shit ton of fun, I look forward to reading/hearing about it!
Cheers,
The bitter Jarhead

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Put some fucking pants on you slag!

I thought of a new pick up line I wanted to test here because none of the three of you are close enough to punch me in the face for it in the event that it sucks... here goes. "Hey, want to eat, drink, or fuck together sometime?" This may be the line that lands me my dream girl, Weird Al described her very well in a song called "Close, but no cigar". A world famous billionaire bikini supermodel astrophysicist. Hip tune, check it out.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtMU8nvZzOs Hope the video works ok, but the audio was good on my witchcraft box...

I didn't do shit this past weekend so no horror stories, I skipped town and hid out at a friends house. I had to cook dinner and help clean, but I didn't have to talk to anyone or do fuck else and it was awesome. Kind of sucks she has a couple of fuck trophies, though methinks she is a little too religious for my taste in the long term and she is a sweet kid and deserves someone a little better off and on the same level as her. She is a cool friend and stuff though. This may end up being short but I do have a couple of things I would like to touch on as well as my first segment that I hope to make a consistent weekly thing I will unveil at towards the end. I am uploading a video, hope the quality is ok, I took it on my phone at work. If it is decent, I will try to do one a week of something cool of annoying:)



I submitted my application to re-enter school, do a semester at UB then applying to Buff State since they offer mechanical engineering at night and JewB doesn't. I wonder if I should be in a hurry to grow up or if I should just let things take their course. I mean I am 28 now and one foot in the grave, but come on, I am kind of glad I am not tied down with kids and a house and shit, I can still go play with my bands and have fun and don't have to answer to anyone for anything. I seem to notice most people my age have a career and all that shit though... I am a work in progress it seems, it is probably a good thing I don't have kids or a significant other currently, I couldn't afford either and I can barely take care of my own ass and keep myself out of trouble. Speaking of which, I am going to my first private party Friday night, yes thats how pathetic my life is, 28 and my first big party, hahaha! A local radio cat is hosting it, he has become a bud of mine through the metal band. It is an ugly sweater party, I have to go buy some nasty looking xmas sweater and wear it,m but there should be lots of booze and broads... Maybe I can have a stimulating conversation with a nice girl, and by that I mean some freaky drunken hate sex.

As long as we are on the subject of dames, I pose a question to both dudes and chicks. If you were toe opposite sex for a day, what would you do? I don't expect anyone to admit their answers to me, but I will share mine since I am that easily amused. I probably wouldn't get out of bed before noon because I would be enamored with my cans. I would probably just poke one and giggle at it over and over again then bitch cause they got in the way every time I moved or tried to pick something up. They are cool, and god bless you ladies for slingin them things around, but I am glad I don't have them myself. However, that is no excuse for you not to wear fucking pants. I cringe every time I see someone at school or out in public in their goddamned pajama pants or sweats, I mean come on, at least have the common courtesy to put some clothes on that you didn't sleep in. I am not saying I know sex about shit when it comes to fashion, some of you know this first hand:), but come on, I am about as unmotivated as it gets some days and I still put clean real clothes on when I leave the house. I own a couple pair of pajama pants and wear them at the house or if I am at someone else's piece and hanging out for the night watching movies and whatnot, but I don't put them on until I am there. At least track pants are real clothes and it makes people think you could be on the way to or from the gym...

My transitions suck tonight and for that I apologize, but if you are still here then lets fucking rock! My mind is all over the place tonight and I don't have enough booze in me to focus on one thing at a time yet so deal with it. I thought of a new slogan for my cover band, something to put right under the name when I get around to learning how to and actually re-making the website. it will read as such... "Zazz Blammymatazz... Lock up your fucking daughters!" My bass player loved it and it made me smile.

I received a huge shout out from my newest blogging friend Spanky. Her blog is called Spanky loves it, and is definitely worth a read, she likes Twatlight, but is still a hip chick. She told me I remind her of most of her ex's, that made me laugh as well as sit back and think, "Wow, pissed one off I have never even met... that is a new one." I know I am bad at the relationship game, but fuck, that is a new way to fail. However, big ups to Spank-a-tronic for the shout out!

I have been told by some people that I complain too much, first of all, Fuck you. Second, well, thats all I have. Not really, I do complain, I try to be humorous about it most of the time, but I think a lot of it comes from my time in the military. We complained and it kept us busy and helped us deal. I remember a few times during the war when food was slightly scarce and we were sitting around bitching that we were hungry. Shortly thereafter we had more MRE's delivered and tossed the case aside yelling about how we would rather starve than eat that shit... then we ate it:( Small example, but the point is this- I bitch alot, more than most and maybe too much, however, comma, pause for effect, as long as I can find something to bitch about, (and I will!) then everything is ok. Once shit gets bad enough that I can't even complain about anything, there is a clock tower awaiting V and I with a bottle of whiskey, bottle of vodka, and a couple rifles to begin the cleansing of all the mouth breathing fuck-tards.

Now, before I close I want to unveil my new section, I have named it "People I hope get raped by a rabid wombat". This weeks winner is that hypocritical, corn shucking, ass bag, Scott Stapp from Creed. I was so happy when they broke up, I though to myself, "Creed is gone, don't have to hear their shit music evermore!" But then the two factions each made their own band...

that both sounded JUST LIKE FUCKING CREED!!!!!!! Fuck?!?!?! I tore half of my hair out and strangled a hooker just to get over it. I stopped listening to radio, half because of that. Now those dick bags are back at it, and now he is bald I heard, what a fucking tool bag. I can't even think of a fate horrible enough for him, but I am trying.

I shall return soon, should have some good stories from the party this weekend, maybe I can find some trouble to get into Saturday night as well! Have a good week all, stay warm and safe, have a shit ton of fun and remember to fucking smile or laugh at something, it will keep you sane. Also if you need a laugh, I recommend a couple of podcast's that you can find in the Itunes store. Sick and Wrong, Vomitus Prime, and the Pissed off World of Uncle Hal Radio Show.

Cheers,
Kris

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Take your happy-go-lucky motivational speech about rainbows and sunshine and shove it up your ass...


Sorry for the delay, had some shit go down, I guess I'll start at the end and work back from there for the most part whilst trying to not be too random with a few other things so here goes...

Snow day at work today, it's 10 Dec, anyone in the North East knows what is goin down. Wish I was at work though, need the money, but didn't want to be outside all day in a foot or so of snow with temperatures hovering around 2 degrees fucking Kelvin. However, it gives me time to catch up on your blogs as well as write mine, sorry I have been absent friends. I had a bit of a meltdown the other day that fueled most of this, it stared last week.

I decided I hate my job, does this look like what a goddamned electrician does?!


I spent last week building signs for property my boss buys and wants to try to flip and learning a bit about changing shocks on a 61 mustang (think it's a 61, don't know sex about shit when it comes to cars...) Anyway, a week ago Sunday I decided to look for better jobs, something inside and more clean and nice with benefits maybe, if thats not too much to ask. I applied at Bank of America, a friend of mine works there and was helping me along with Red and another friend of mine with my resume, cover letter, and picking out something to wear for the interview. I submitted my application and within 12 hours I had an offer to take the online test to see if you would be any good at the collections job. Smoked the test, it was an hour long and you weren't supposed to finish, my time? 32 minutes fucking flat, suck it. Blew through the phone interview in 6 minutes and was offered a real interview for Monday the 7th. Knocked that out of the water. Tue went back for final interview... this cock sucker took one look at my resume and didn't want to listen to a word that came out of my mouth. He told me that there was nothing in my resume that qualified me in any way shape or form to do any aspect of this job that dealt with teamwork, stress, and people management along with being good with people. Noting? What about the 7 years in the Marines where I spent 6 months living in an M1-A1 fucking tank?! On a crew of 4 people, that takes some team work to stay alive, that could be a little stressful when PEOPLE ARE FUCKING SHOOTING AT YOU!!!!! Or how about when I as an E-4 was doing the job of someone 3 years ahead of me AND the job of someone with a 4 yr degree at the same time as doing my own job? Thats not people skills? Thats not getting shit done and managing my time and people? Fuck you, you piece of shit. Tuesday was the last straw for me, I left my house in a $1000 suit with a hope and a fucking dream, how stupid of me, but goddamn I do clean up pretty nice...




Yes, I did take out all of my piercings and was clean shaven when I went in, two hours later...




Add carharts, snow, cold, and me being soaked through and picking up scrap metal out of said snow for my boss at some house he bought for 8k that will take 50 to fix before he moves the house and garage to the other side of the lot... the yard is full of garbage and scrap metal and he wanted us to gather it up, what a change of pace eh? I received the "go to hell" email less than two hours after I left the bank, how did I make it so far so easily and then just get blown off? I spent a good amount of money getting ready and missing time from work that is unpaid for all these interviews too, pig. Oh well, keep looking I suppose. That change and that day just dropped the last shred of hope that I had though, I left work and told a couple people not to look for me and grabbed a case and a couple packs of smokes, went to my office (basement), turned my phone off, and did some work (got fucked up). Turned my phone back on after a few hours to vent to a couple people and saw 12 calls, 5 voice mails, and 10 texts from my bands pissed cause they couldn't get a hold of me. Ignored them all and called a buddy who let me bitch for a bit, but after 45 min of me yelling at him, pretending he was everyone I was pissed at he got sick of it and had to go, hahaha!

By about midnight or so, I was pretty worn out, and not so much pissed as much as just defeated. Wednesday was a little better, just completely apathetic about everything, I realized I am so stressed about money, work, bills, broads, bands, and everything else, that I get no enjoyment out of anything anymore, not even the stuff I normally love, music and booze, and friends. Everything seems to be an exercise in futility. Today is Thursday and I am a little better, just more bummed, but hoping I can keep looking for a new job, sick of construction, but no one in an office or anything wants to take a chance on a stupid construction worker who is x military. A couple people expressed genuine concern, a few pretended to care until they realized I wasn't dead, and then back to the same old shit once I was found to be ok enough to be of use to them.

Why does it seem that everyone has a hidden agenda? Are there no real friends anymore that would do something for the sake that they aren't an asshole? There are a few of you excluded from this and you know who you are, but for the most part it seems more of a friendship of usefulness, once they can't get anything out of you they stop wanting to hang out. Whatever, you will be weeded out and dealt with accordingly.

I do have a good story from the weekend... Saturday I went out for the first time in quite a while, didn't have much cash so I started at the practice space with a friend and we started drinking... hard. 2 hours later we went back to his place to get ready to leave and his mom did a few shots of brandy with me. I am currently at 12 beers and two glasses of brandy, lol. We hit the bar with another acquaintance. Come to find out, he wants to nail some chick who is a friend of mine, hadn't known before that, and he was pissed. Threw a bunch of shit at me and told me some nasty shit about the situation and got me kind of worked up, we left for another bar and then this scumbag ditches me in the middle of the city. I don't venture into downtown Buffalo often, don't know my way around too well, especially drunk and at night. My friend was apparently still at the bar and didn't know what had happened. I wandered around for an hour in the freezing cold and finally collapsed in a hotel lobby, was told to leave and flipped a dude off then started puking and passed out. Woken up by a cop some 30-60 minutes later who asked what the fuck I was doing there, I told him I didn't know, didn't know where I was because I am new to the city, was ditched by a "buddy" and was fucked up. Then my friend texted me and asked where the hell I was and why I had been gone for over an hour, (convenient timing I think, but maybe I am too paranoid...) so I told the cop what bar he was at and that he was my ride and instead of going to jail, I get a ride back to the bar and a piece of fucking gum! Tell me I don't have people skills, I dare you... Went back into the bar and continued to drink because I am that smart. I find out yesterday that the reason I still had the 25 in my wallet was because I used my card a couple times, though I suspect that the one dude had my wallet and when he handed me "his" card to buy me a drink cause he's a nice guy, he was fucking me dry. I never use my card, especially if I have money, apparently I was nice enough to buy slices after the bar closed as well... you motherfucking waste of sperm. Safe to say if I see that one fucktard again, I am probably going to shove a railroad spike straight down his fucking piss hole and chop off a couple of his fucking fingers. I may not extract my revenge from him, haven't decided yet, but if I do, stand the fuck by...

On a lighter not, the cover band played a couple weeks ago and we ended up with our first review! It was glowing, but it was on craigslist... what the hell? The dude loved us and said to check us out whenever we play and that we are a lot of fun. We were fucked up, and we did have fun, our cover band is more about good times and fun than anything else, we play 90's grunge and we are all pretty good musicians so we can play those easy tunes and fuck with each other while hammered:) Zazz Blammymatazz, my cover band, is a load of fun, the stress isn't there like in DisplaceD, we don't have a record label breathing down our necks to hurry and finish our new album so we can tour again.

Speaking of my metal band, to anyone in the area, 26 Dec we are playing a big show at a newly revamped and re-themed (insert proper word there) metal bar called Broadway Joe's. New sound system and stuff, we are doing a signed guitar raffle and have a couple of other cool bands opening for us. We also hired the best light guy in the tri-state area to put the icing on the cake for the show. It will be a blast if your in town, let me know, there are a couple spots on the guest list available and I am single so don't have anyone on there yet. We are also playing in Erie, PA on Friday, 1 January, supposed to be another great show so feel free to stop on in to either and have a beer with us! www.myspace.com/displaced We have one or two brand new songs we will be playing that will be on the new album coming out sometime in 2010.

More randomness, no good segue's left just some random notes I made over the last week or so I want to touch on. You cat's know I hate dealing with religion and politics here, however it is worth mentioning that the gay marriage thingy was shot down in New York. People are so scared of something and I don't get it, who the shit cares if they get married? For all those people like Jabba the Rush who complain about the sanctity of marriage, mother fucker, your on your fourth one, you fat, drug riddled, stupid piece of shit. You'll be rotting in hell, if it exists, before anyone else. While we are touching on fat people, sometimes I wish I was a fat fuck, then I could wear shorts all winter long and not be cold. I get a huge kick out of seeing these folks when it is below freezing out and they are waddling around in shorts like it's 30 years in the future and global warming has eradicated winter and the coastline. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm glad I'm not fat, not like I am the most in shape person, but I at least take moderate care of myself because I am not lazy. Granted, there are about 3% of people who are over weight who are actually medically buggared, but the rest are just lazy. If your offended, I don't care, probably means your one of them, I set my mind to it and lost weight when I started getting a gut a few years ago, if I can get something accomplished for my absent minded, easily distracted self, anyone can.

A couple of weeks ago at open mic, this kid came up to me when I ventured outside for a smoke and stared free-styling for about 4 minutes straight right in my face, anyone else ever have this happen? I wanted to cut his tongue out with my beer bottle, fuck I hate those people. If I wanted to hear shitty poetry and you brag about how great you think you are, how bad you are, and how much your lying about your ability to please skanky crackhead women and how big you want me to believe your prick is, I would go to a hip hop joint, not a fucking hard rock/metal bar for a musical open mic. I especially hate people who deliberately try to fake accents or ways of speaking that are completely unnatural and it is glaringly obvious. Although I thought of something that made me laugh along the lines of accents... If you say the phrase "thrill of the hunt" with that throaty middle eastern/Israeli thing that I can't do but sounds like hacking up a loogey, the last word sounds delightfully filthy and makes me giggle:) Yes I am that easily amused, sorry to those of you who thought I was a deep person, hahaha! I also am still getting the biggest kick out of facebook now that I switched the language to have my whole page in Pirate. It's in your language options on the bottom left on the home/news page. Go into the English part and look for Pirate, it is funny as shit.

Last note, my friend Red has launched a new blog about traveling and stuff and it is def worth a read, the link is http://www.cacdicedoestheworld.com

Hope everyone has a good rest of the week and weekend, I am skipping town for the weekend to a place with little to no reception and no interweb to chill out for a bit. Be safe, have fun, and come back with good stories!

Cheers and stay warm,
Kris

Monday, November 30, 2009

The emo blog, it will be the only one I hope I can promise...


So Monday I was grocery shopping at Wal-Mart, because that is where I can afford to shop these days, a step above Aldi’s but still piss poor. Anyway, I try to be a nice person and not make fun of people, but this was just too funny… This skirt was sashaying down an isle and god bless her, she tried so hard to pretend like she had an ass, alas even with tight pants, some impressive heeled boots, and a concentrated effort in her walking, it was to no avail. Why the fuck are you trolling for dick in a goddamned Wal-Mart?! That is my first question. It was too early to be drunk and not the first of the month so I was at a loss. I might be an asshole for getting a kick out of this, but hey, I did so if you don’t like it you can pound sand.

I was thinking about this even now as I am writing and think it may be able to go under a heading named “You know it’s time to change your life when…” I have a couple thus far, feel free to add in the comment section, (I reply to all comments left in the comment section with comments left in the comment section… how redundant is that? Fuck me…)

You have to grocery shop at Wal-Mart and still worry about bouncing your account.

A stripper with two kids and more problems, issues, and drama than is entirely fathomable tells you YOU are fucked up and need help.

You can’t use the washroom at work because your boss ridicules and then gets mad and yells at you for your become OCD tendencies.

That is all I have for now, but it is only Monday, I am sure the week will only get more shitty as I work outside and deprive myself of sleep all week long. I was reading my friend V’s blog and she mentioned how she was getting half lit up before she went to her reunion. Made the comment, Yes, I use alcohol as a crutch. No, I don't feel bad about that.” I realize that is true of myself as well, and I feel the same way about it, most people just won’t admit it. I can’t make it sound as funny as her, but it is what it is…

I am watching the old boob tube whilst working on this piece of literary cat litter that I hope will get a laugh out of someone somewhere, and wonder if when seeing the success all around me, if I should be inspired and motivated, or feel like shit because I am 28 and have fuck-all to show for it. Not just on TV because it’s just for ratings and money, but in my day and travels as well, most people I associate with are doing pretty well for themselves. They have good jobs or at least ones that pay well, nice vehicles, houses in good locations or apartments/condo’s/what have you. I wonder where I went wrong, like there was one little slip I made that landed me where I am now?

Maybe I am too paranoid and think people are set against me and working to undermine my efforts in life, maybe I am too cynical and it’s wrong to start with the assumption that everyone is full of shit and putting me on to further their own agenda in which I am a mere pawn for their use/amusement… but mayhaps not, dear reader. I can admit I’m kinda dumb, I may cock something up and then do it a couple more times just for good measure, but I am not a retard, I am pretty bright where my emotions are not concerned. Yet as I hack my through this briar patch of psycho bitches that seems to have become my love life as it ma be, I become less and less willing to believe or trust what I am told. “I am not like the other girls you dated…” Oh yeah? Why is that, you have three fucking cans or something? Because that is the only kind of weird and crazy I have yet to encounter, and that would be a welcome fucking relief. I find it amusing (infuriating) that I hear that line and then two days later I see them doing and /or saying the same old shit that means they are up to no good. Benefit of the doubt be damned, don’t act like you have something to hide if you do not. Oh, and while we are at it, don’t wait till I dump you, then try to dump me the next day, your pathetic attempt at rationalization because you can’t handle rejection disgust me. Another one that intrigues me is watching how she gets more mad after the fact. Attempt 2 at re-dumping me was somewhat nice, were it believable… then 12 hours later I get a scathing email (yes email because she won’t call or answer her phone and won’t text or respond to a text.) on facebook no less, not even a real mother fucking email, telling me how fucked up I am and how I already got “out of line”… like I am a fucking dog that did something wrong and needs to be spanked, who the FUCK put you together woman?!

I did stop short of being too nasty with her, I had two lines I could have thrown out that would have stopped the fight, and all subsequent communication afterwards, but hey, only knew her a few weeks, not that worried if I never hear from her again. I almost told her that now I understand why every guy she has ever dated has beaten the living shit out of her. I also decided not to mention that I believe she lost the weight after her kid’s by not eating and binge drinking and using copious amounts of drugs, but even after all that for a 24 yr old she had the tits of a 40 yr old and stretch marks that looked like the face of a mountain. I felt that would have been too much and it would have only been to be mean, I don’t really believe those things. Well, that is enough for a Monday evening, have a test for a new job (hopefully) tonight and practice. I hope to get out at some point this week so I can have some good stories for you. It’s Monday and I am already done with this week, ready for a case of beer, carton of smokes, and trying to find some dame to drown my sorrows (jive rod) in. Perfect? No, Best moral course of action? Mayhaps not, but everyone knows up front what they are getting and they are there by choice.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Explanations, musings, and some of the same old shit...


Ok... so... it appears some explanations are required for those of you who do not know me that well and get my terminology and sense of humour. For those of you that do, you can skip down to below the picture of me in front of a bonfire and continue from there, this has the potential to be lengthy... Mostly this is for Spanky, for even though she likes Twilight (which will be referred in the future as Twatlight), she is still a hip cat but there may be more like her and especially new readers may want to peruse this section before diving in head first to the rest of my twisted world and paranoid ramblings:)

I will try to answer/reply to your questions and comments as well as explain my self to you, so here goes...

I ended up on your blog randomly, not exactly sure how, but something caught my eye as I was wandering around the inter-web. I try to get other people perspectives and thoughts on things in general as well as see how different pages look and how to make mine look better and hopefully attract new readers. My goal over all with this is to vent first and foremost, second to get a laugh or at least amuse those who stop by and third to hopefully assimilate better writing skills. I also use this as another avenue to talk about my bands when they are doing things, but am contemplating a separate blog for that as it will mostly be fliers for shows and things of that nature. Just because we do not see eye to eye on everything and agree on everything does not mean we can't get a kick out of each others sites and all that jive. Most people who read this probably think I am bat-shit crazy and should be locked away from sharp objects and the general public:) Some of you are just as fucked up as I am.

I do swear a lot, 90% of the time I write this blog when I am pretty worked up and usually more than a little drunk. I assemble my rants and just let it fly because I do not have the chance to in the people world most of the time, I try to make it funny when I can, however, sometimes I just get going and need to vent my face off and blow off some steam. I usually make an attempt to keep the vulgarities to a minimum unless I am just completely livid.

I did not mean to come across as belittling religious cats, I used to be, not so much anymore. Seems silly to me on most levels, but most of my friends are religious in one form or another and we chat and debate about it. I served 7 years in the Marines so people can believe what ever they want. that being said, I also have my own opinions about the matter and am able to take a joke in the same regard. There will always be someone telling you your belief is wrong, I will try not to because I don't really know if it is or not, the most optimistic probability you can assign to any set of beliefs about all that jive is .5 In the end, no one knows what is and isn't because none of us have ever been there in the here after if it exists. I will make an occasional joke about religion and people can joke about my lack of a choice in one or the lack of a decision to become an atheist. I am open to discussion and debate and learning new things, just don't force yours upon me and I will reciprocate.

It's not my fault your a dirty hippie (kidding :-P ) I don't have a problem with hippies, I just like the word and it is about the only thing you can call someone without being sued these days. I am even part hippie myself, I think it is my esophagus, lower intestine, and right leg. I am a supporter of peace on earth and all that rubbish, not very optimistic about it, but do dig the idea. The love thing is another issue, there are things that are tangible in life I do love, like my drumming, Family Guy, my cat, things of that nature. As far as the love thing goes for people and relationships, the jury is still out on that one. Seems to be almost more of a symbiotic relationship of sorts. My quote/thought on the issue as of late seems to follow this thought strain... It's just finding a brand of crazy you can put up with, and one that can stand to be around you and your bull shit. I say again, I am open to debate and rethinking the matter, but that is my current opinion, however "Semper Gumbi" is the motto to live by for me these days, things change, viewpoints change, that comes from learning and living. I also shower daily, usually two or three times due to my bands and gigs and all that rot.

Honest and sincere people are hard to come by these days, the two other people who read this and comment are in this category, you are placed there as well, Spanky. I appreciate it and welcome it and look forward to commenting back and forth and debating things with you, you are an eloquent writer and seem to have some interesting things going on in that brain housing group of yours. I will quote the Southwest Airlines commercial I get suck a kick out of to close this section... "Grab your bag... it's on!



Welcome back dear reader, this will be my second sober post ever of the 26 I believe that are on here, buggered on coffee but went to bed too early and have been up since 4am and on the caffeine since 0530, current time stamp is 0846. Headed upstairs to take the picture for Red and V, one of you cats has to tell me how to make your name a clickable link to your blog. Also have to start another pot of happy juice, go grab a smoke and I'll probably be back when you are:)


Ok, first off let me apologize for the lack of a hair cut and the piercing's, I have been out for some time now, but it still fits like a fucking glove! I also am working on a beard for the winter, not sure yet if I am going to keep it up or just go back to the goatee. The pic was taken on my phone as I lack a camera, but thats me in uniform...

Now I have some ideas once in a while, and sometimes even go as far as to try to implement them, one of my latest is a dear Abbey thing, only I tell you how to tell that special person in your life exactly what you think of them and how to tell them to pound sand, or at least listen to your bitching and offer advice, sometimes I can honestly help out and telling the person to fornicate them selves with a rusted railroad spike is not always the correct avenue of approach. I would like to call this section Blunt Force Drama. Not sure if I am going to do it or if anyone would even ask me for my opinion, but if I get question's, I will do a section at the end of every blog with the questions and answers. My own love life may be a disaster and retarded from the outside, however I have saved a few relationships of others, and helped a few people to get out of bad situations.
(This is my fav pic from the last DisplaceD show, www.myspace.com/displaced)
I am filling in for a friends band tonight at a show, they currently lack a drummer. (Anyone wants more info email me, klhammerick@gmail.com) The name if the band is 240 North and they are a rock 'n roll/blues ish kind of band. Good tunes and fun to play, I did my first jam with them to learn the tunes last Friday. the tunes were easy for me to learn, and only a couple of snags, it's a style I used to play a lot of and is easy once the basic structure is down. We had a lot of fun and got haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammered on beer and whiskey and even after all that, they still offered me the gig full time on the spot, after never hearing their tunes before and playing them wasted. I regretfully have to turn them down as I am already in two bands, working full time, and will be back in school in January. Wish I had the time for it, they are hip cats and have some good tunes. Playing a double header gig tonight with them (Sat, 28 Nov) at a place in Buffalo called Club Diablo, I play in the second band which is the 240 cats, then my 90's grunge cover band, Zazz Blammymatazz plays for another hour or so. If anyone is in the area and wants to stop by, hit me up at the above email address. I have one of those witchcraft phones that does all that hippie jive on it. It's cool to be in demand as a drummer, the open mic my cover band hosts has a couple other groups that want me to drum for them as well, I can at open mic because I am already there, but if they all had their way, I would be playing every Tue from 7:30 till 4:00 the next morning and that would suck when I have to be at work at 7 am. I try to do as much as I can, and feel bad when I can't help the other dude's out, but I am only one little cracker and only have so much time on my hands. No matter what city you live in though, go check out some of the local bands of whatever genre you dig, we bust our asses to bring good tunes to the public and good performance, money isn't a big deal, we are much happier when people are dancing or watching us play and having a good time. Us musicians love to meet new people and network and even have a few beers now and again with out patrons, always looking for new fans and friends.

Anyone ever dump someone and then a few hours/days/or even in the same conversation they turn it to make it them dumping you instead? I get a particularly good giggle out of that and it is one of the things that interests me in psychology. I don't know sex about shit when it comes to psych, but I do know that everyone needs to be the hero in their own story and some people just can't deal with rejection and have to rationalize things just so they can get out of bed in the morning. I will admit I have done this before, sometimes it helps getting over a particularly bad relationship, but I still don't let me lie to myself. Short term feel goods help sometimes, but I always remember what happened and try to learn from it as to not repeat the same mistakes further down the line. Damn that sounds good on paper, I could be better at that than I actually am, put that one on the list...

I also have an idea for a new super hero, some of the more memorable ex girlfriends, are usually the basis of this, it keeps me sane and makes me smile. Some of you should get a giggle out of it as well I hope. My favourite one to date is still Cokey the Wunderlush. This heroine has the amazing ability to do more blow than can be stored in a pick up truck bed and wash it down with a couple cases of beer and not eat or sleep for days on end. She was a gifted story teller and could be seen saving the world from cocaine by doing it all before anyone else could get any. (I don't do coke by the way, did once, never again, it was pointless and it's expensive. I stick to booze and cigg's.) Alcoholic by day and coke binger by night, this fair maiden could regenerate nose cartilage by the square foot it seemed, surely an admirable trait... She also sometimes didn't have money for said fun having accessories, but that is no match for a super hero such as this, he could fuck ANYthing to get more, so I found out after we had broken up...
The newest one is a lesser known and not quite as active hero. Still working on it, but I have a decent start. Pale as death and sketchy as Picasso, The Flake brings emotional wreckage and drama to a whole new terrifying level, be warned evil doers, one encounter with this frosty lass will surely put you in a state of confusion and self loathing. Able to ignore any situation for months on end and able to concoct the most mind numbing stories that ride the border of fact and fiction so closely, the two cannot be separated with the finest of knives. This heroine even comes equipped with camouflage (freckles) to blend in amongst the masses. A crafty and cunning linguist (no lesbian joke, honest, don't think is a switch hitter) she has the ability to barter for anything she needs from anyone she needs it from. And the best part? You get nothing in return! Ever!! Win Win situation for everyone, and by everyone, I mean that with all applicable sarcasm... Needs revision and to be not quite so bitter, but I will revise:)

I do not like how men seem to be portrayed on television these days, or couples in general. I do agree it is about time that women are portrayed in a good light, not as stupid door mat's and housewives, but can't both people be honest and hard working? Does one always have to be fat and stupid? Now I do agree that there are far more fat, stupid, mouth breathing half wits out there, especially in this country, however, not everyone is like that. Not every relationship has cheating in it (I hope) or one person always beating the other down and ridiculing them. I do get a chuckle out of some of these shows, but it is going too far. King of Queens, Simpsons, and Family Guy are perfect examples of this. The dude in the show is fat, stupid, and a pussy. Careless and in the latter of the two doesn't give two shit about his mate most of the time. I think this is kind of fucked up. What ever happened to two cats diggin each other and god forbid helping each other out and being nice to and there for each other? Is that an old fashioned view point? No wonder the divorce rate is so high these days...

For all you homeopathic medicine people out there... I try like hell to stay away from politics, religion, and beliefs here, I feel we should be here to be friendly, honest, and not to start wars... but, I feel this fad has been de bunked, at least it has been well enough for me. My point here is slightly more comical though I hope. I have a better solution for all of you that buy these colon cleansing products that create the problem they claim to solve. (Really, read the ingredients, some are made from something akin to cat litter...) My solution is easier, cheaper, and a lot more fun. Eat some good and hot ass chili and maybe even some Taco Bell or Jim's Steak-out (local sub place in B-lo) and in the morning, have a couple cups of some strong, dark coffee along with a couple smokes. Have faith fair citizens, this will purge your system from the freakin eyeballs down and you'll lose about 5 pounds by the time you have left the loo, may be more than one trip, but screw it, it's Saturday morning, you have better plans?

So this chick that is supposed to be my new girlfriend of sorts I guess is being very scarce, when I am nice and try to be there and helpful, she doesn't respond, when I finally get pissed and send a scathing message since she won't respond to text's and sends call's to voicemail prematurely, (yes people know when you do it so stop it everyone. Just hit the volume button to silence the ringer, not the end button to send to voicemail, then we know your being a dick) thats when I get a response, then we talk a bit then the next day I try to be nice or supportive and the cycle begins again. Haven't had a real conversation with her in about a week, haven't even seen her in two. Now I am famous for over analyzing things and being paranoid and figuring the worst will usually happen, but there is still a chance I am just too paranoid and need to relax and she really does need some time to sort things out and sometimes want a couple days with out me bugging her. But, for the sake of everything holy, don't make a huge deal that I call you the next day and then you ignore me for two days, that just seems silly to me. If your not diggin it, just say so, simple solution to a simple problem. If you are busy or depressed or whatever, it still isn't too much to ask to take 10 seconds away from everything and shoot a quick text to say your busy or whatever, after all you have plenty of time to fart around on facebook and buy weed and booze for your sister and her friends and "not do it with them" and "be sitting alone in your room all the time". It's been two weeks, and if I may be so vulgar as to say, daddy is feeling kinda froggy, don't make the purchase of the clown mask and the can of crisco go to waste. I would like to think that she is not out there being the star of the new bukake film or trying to set a personal record for most cats shagged in a weekend, however (extreme, yes I know just making a point.) sometimes I wonder, I know the company she seems to keep on a regular basis, and if you show me your friends, I'll tell you a few things about yourself.

This has gone on long enough, probably too long I fear, hope I have not bored you all. Have a good and safe weekend and don't be a dick.
Yours from the bat cave,
The bitter Jarhead
:-P

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Maybe I like punishment... heh heh


So I noticed the other day whilst re-reading some of my postings on this fair site that I have been kind of politically correct and have tip toed around a few things because a few people that actually know me read (but probably not anymore, hahaha!) this thingamajig here. I don't really know why I backed off, but fuck that shit, why should I give a damn about your feelings, you probably already know your an asshole anyway. Time to get bitter mwahahahahahahaha!!

Now, I have been hangin out with this skirt for a couple weeks now, not too bad, she seems nice and pretty sincere, has two fuck trophies, but didn't really mind that so much. However, after a couple weeks, I think I should get a better response when seeking a plan to be in the same place at the same time four days from now than "I'll have to see, don't know what's going on yet" Bitch, make a goddamned plan or tell me that our original deal is back on and we're just going to fuck each others brains out in a drunken stupor every now and again. Don't feed me shit to make me think it is something more than that and then act like I'm your fucking fall back plan. Don't need it, have better way's to occupy my time. Also, don't act sketchy if there is no reason to, if you don't want to hang on a particular night, just fucking say so. Don't tell me your hanging with your step mom and then the next day when I ask a question about her, get super defensive and tell me you can talk to whomever you desire. One, that makes no sense in regards to your step mom, B, who brought that topic up? Why would you unless your full of shit and just didn't have the ovaries to tell me you had a better offer for the night? I don't get it, don't frikkin get it ladies and gentlemen, but, about done dealing with bullshit. A lot less stress and a few more bucks in my pocket just to crank one out on the shitter and go to bed with all the covers and more than a quarter of the bed. One last thing, don't tell me your going to do shit and then jew me at the last second, if you had no intention in the first place, then DON'T FUCKING OFFER!!! I swear to everything holy, I am about ready to climb a fucking clock tower and pick off all these mouth breathing, hippie ass, semi retarded twat waffles. I just don't get why people feel the need to blatantly lie to my face, just keep your fucking trap shut and these issues won't arise you fucking maggot. Oh yeah, I swear a fuck ton too, get used to it, the next person that mentions in passing that only dumb people swear because they can't think of real words is going to get punched in the neck with a broken beer bottle and have a smoke put out on their piss hole. About done being nice to people, trying to be there for them and trying to help them out, you want a favour? Fuck off. Pick a fairy tale, uh I mean religion and pray to thin air, dick bag. Better yet, want in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first.

Now to lighten the mood, I will venture into my office (the basement) and have a smoke, then return with a joke I heard on one of my favourite pod-casts today, Episode 200 of Sick and Wrong. Here goes...
A paper bag goes to the doctor and is sat down in the exam room, the doctor looks sad and informs the bag that it has AIDS. The bag is confused and replies "but Doc, I have never had anything in me, how could this have happened?" The doctor replies " Well, your mom must have been a carrier..."

The new Twilight movie is coming out, man oh man, I was drug to the first abortion in the theater... I love vampire movies, fucking love them, so I didn't know sex about shit about this movie and went along with it since I wasn't going to get to see Yes Man, bitch. Anyhoo, what a suck-fest, shouldn't even be called a vampire flick, it was some stupid sappy story about some dumb fuck kids. Vampires walking around in daylight and many other things pissed me off about it, would have walked out if I had known how to get back home, but was up in Toronto in an area I didn't know. The new one has werewolves in it, wonder how bad they fucked this one up? Almost as bad as a series of vamp books from I think her name is Laurrel K. Hamilton, but not 100% on that, had some vamp slayer chick and 98% of the book was her thinking "should I fuck this cat or no?" arguing back and forth, the second half of the book was "should I feel bad about fucking this dude or not?" with multiple guys all throughout. What a lame ass story, if I put the time into a vampire adventure be it in print or one of them there movin picture thingy's, I want death, blood, guts, fighting, cool stunts and effects, shit burning, and all that jive. If I want a shit box love story, I'll turn on the WE network or lifetime channel.

Busy week coming up, out of the next 10 days, 9 will be devoted to bands and 8 to work, maybe more if I pick up a side job cause I am still short on money from the car fiasco, worse now that the "person of interest" borrowed some cash and now appears to have no intention of paying it back. I took a third band on as a temp thing to help out a friend of my guitar player, the band is a rock and roll band called 240 North and their drummer had surgery or something like that so I get three practices to learn an hour of music along with tighten up the set with my cover band who is playing the show as well. The metal band is also hard at work writing a new album so it will be a very tiring week starting tonight. Fun, but very tiring, playing my ass off for 3 hours straight, but since I'm playing in two bands that night, I get twice as many free drink chips:)

Work sucks, no real job at the moment so we are organizing and re-doing the layout at the shop. Miserable work, today I sorted out a pile of wire for temporary lighting from the last job, a tangled rats nest of wire with big plastic globes on it in various pieces, probably about 1000-1500 feet of wire altogether, took me 6 hours or so. Have most the rest of the joint sorted out, cleaned up, and organized, I can actually find tools now and even most of the supplies, still more to go, but it will be nice to find what I need.

I have decided that I require a vacation, however I have not the money or the time off work to do so... would like to just get in my car or on a plane and get as far away as I can in about 6-8 hours on whatever method of travel I decide and just hole up in a hotel for about a week, hit some bars, find some good restaurants, and find some hip people to hang out with. I so fucking wish the tour had gone on as planned, ever since the first show we were supposed to play, things have sucked monkey ass. The next lecture I have to sit through being told that "everything happens for a reason" and "you have to look for the good in all situation's" is going to end with the rending of the flesh of their neck with my goddamned teeth. You tell me the up side of losing a week of work, owing someone 500 bones, having to defer my car payment, still being 100 bucks short for bills for the month, and starting to wonder if your new girl is really just playing you and keeping you around as her last resort when she can't find a rich guy who makes Tommy Lee look like an infant. I'll wait....... Three minutes later and I still do not have an answer, hahaha!

Sorry V, no time for a pic tonight, not sure if I want to put it up on here or just email it to you, but I don't have your email so... guess I should put it to a vote. If I get enough positive responses I will put it up here, if not I'll just email it to you. For the rest of you, we were chatting about the Marine Birthday last week, and it came up that maybe there should be a picture of me in my dress blues somewhere. I do have to warn, I don't have the haircut anymore, I have a goatee, and a few piercing's that I am not getting rid of and just my phone to take the picture, however, if you guys (the three of you who read this, hahaha!) want to see it, let me know.

I do have a couple pics I took at work today, one of about 1/3 to 1/2 of the lights I had to sort through, and the other is hopefully conveying just how excited I am about said task.










Supplemental update/afterthought... There is always the chance I am jumping at shadows since I am used to things not going well in the chick department, could just be a coincidence, however, there is something to be said for trusting your gut reaction to things. Unsure of how to proceed, need more pondering and some beer to work on this as well as time to let it play out and remain on the logical side versus the emotionally driven side of things.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Fuck this week...



Tuesday started out ok, it was the Marine Birthday, 234 years of killing people and breaking things and lots of booze:) Had a meeting with a production company for my band and then off to my Tue night gig at open mic where my other band hosts/runs the evening at Broadway Joe's in Buffalo. I leave the house with a flask I had found under my seat that had some gin in it from last summer, a few beers in my backpack and my dress blues in the back of my car to wear after we were done playing. Midnight ushered in Vets day so there was much drinking to do and my bassist from the cover band is an Army vet so it was fucking on!

Pull into the gas station for a bit of petrol and a Xyenergy (liquid freakin cocaine, love the stuff) and hit a pot hole pulling in, get out and see my rim is fucked and broke the seal on the tire, why not? I grab my donut spare and tools and figure I'll be a few min late, but no worries, what could possibly go wrong? You guessed it, stripped a couple lug nuts because the fucking retarded hippie fucks at Walmart over torqued the nuts so bad the tow truck guy, who was an hour late and had his little fuck toy in the truck with him, couldn't even budge them with a high power impact gun. My bass player had already left for the meeting and I was just going to have to miss it, he would come back for me to take me to the gig. I get my car towed home and my boss tells me some bullshit story about me not being covered on his insurance to drive a company truck. All this after he took 2 copies of my license so I could drive the truck, and he told me I could use it to bring some pallets home to burn, and the chicky that works in the office had the other company vehicle at home, cock sucker. My new "person of interest" (dame that shares her jive pipe with me) has no insurance and lapsed registration, so no help there.

So my bass player picks me up and we get to the gig almost too late to really play much and I don't have my shit with me, stuck with the house kit that has all broken cymbals, busted snare drum and no double bass pedal. We start pounding whiskey and beer and go play, after 5 songs we cease this exercise in futility, the drums are just not cutting the mustard because of the aforementioned problems. Fine enough, we still did the Team America theme song with the bummer mix in the middle, crowd loved it. I go behind the sound board and switch into my dress blues and need a beer, been a rough night... They keep the bar open till almost 4 for us, since it is now Veteran's Day and my other bassist and I are in uniform and drinking for free and just totally fucking housed. We go to Denny's for some chow and then to his couch to crash, time on deck, 0445.

1000 comes the wake up call, need to get some water and hit the VFW so we can have a shot at time 1111, we make it in there by 1045 and it is open bar on beer, but not shots. We begin anew and at 1232 we are having the chat if we should do more shots because we have to drive to other posts. We leave around 1330 and hit a few more American Legion's and VFW's and are pretty peeled around 1530 when my bud gets a call from some broad he is going to nail and he drops me off at my new chica's place. She is worried that she has no makeup on and I will think she is ugly so she hides from me for half an hour then sneaks into the washroom to clean up. I pull out the flask and shoot the shit with her step parents she is crashing with till her new apt is ready at the end of the month. We decide to head to the bar for dinner and pick up a case on the way home, drank and hung out till 0100, though there was a break at one point for us to do the horizontal limbo for a while. Crash and wake up at 730 to her kid crying, where is the fucking Nyquil when you need it? She brings me home praying she won't get pulled over and I am sitting here waiting for a ride to Autozone for a tool to cut the lug nuts off my car and new lug nuts to put my donut on and hope to get to the junk yard in time for a new wheel. 125 bones for a used one because of this stupid alloy wheel bullshit that all these hippie freaks like on cars these days. Tire may still be ok, but now I have missed 2 days of work, no side job tonight and I have to spend at least 150 that I don't have to get a new wheel. Fuck this week. Probably won't even be able to afford to get hammered this weekend or do anything fun to relax, goddamn it.


Other things...
My friend V from Uncorked who is one of the most honest people I know and doesn;t give a shit if you like her or hate her for being the unhinged freak she is, gave me an award for my blog, Now I have to list 10 things about me you
may not know and probably won't want to, hahaha! Much love for ya V:)

1) I fail to see the point of marriage, by the time you want to get married to some brand of crazy you can tolerate and that can put up with you, what does getting married change other than your tax status?
2) I like animals more than most people, they won't lie to you or screw you over.
3) I believe that your true friends show up when your in need, like with this car thing, out of the 10 or so friends I texted/called, 3 of them helped me out, the rest ignored the calls and texts, fuck you you filthy maggots.
4) Contrary to popular belief, I do have some moral's. I am now only violating one chick at a time and no others, they are all single, and I tell them ahead of time if I have no desire to date them, that we are both here for the same thing and don't need any drama or bullshit to cock it all up.
5) I like booze, a lot, I love to smoke and drink coffee by the pot, sorry, it is the way I am wired and if you don't like it, you can go pound sand.
6) I have minor OCD, the stupidest things too, the toilet paper always comes from underneath and I snap the top of my beer cans and tap it three times. Make fun of me if you want, your probably a freak too.
7) I am setting aside my goal of teaching philosophy due to the fact I do not want to go to school for 8 years to make 30k a year, mechanical engineering pays, and lets me play with robotics. From there I can get into aero space and rockets -insert evil grin and maniacal laugh here-
8) I still love and have fond memories of the Marines, just not the government, I know it's a dualistic thing, but if you were never in, you wouldn't understand. Fuck the Republicans and the Dem's too, I dig the Dem's more, but they are all dirty politicians when you break them down beyond their political agenda's.
9) I'd like to be a writer someday, I don't spend enough time on this to make it as good as it could be, but I would like to do more for it, a little editing and some knowledge of design would make it look as good as some of the blogs that I read, anyone with some spare time to help let me know.
10) I try to be a very literal person, I mean what I say and say what I mean. If I think your a dick bag, I'll tell you, I won't make plans and bail, I won't pretend to be your friend if I don't like you. If you like being in a happy and politically correct world, don't talk to me. I won;t tell you pretty lies so you can sleep, I'll tell you how the world really is and just what people are up to.

Not sure if this is what you were looking for V, but I tried. :p I need to win the lottery and get a better job.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Blah


Sick and sleepless so this may be short and boring, but I shall give it the old college try anyway. I have discovered that I am in fact bat shit crazy, always complain about picking the wrong kind of women, and now find myself trudging my way back into the fire... The winner? A chick with two kids who has some questionable friends and used to have a questionable profession... and I thoroughly enjoy hanging out with her, what the fuck is wrong with me? I showed up at work last Wednesday on 10 minutes of sleep and haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammered from hanging out with her, fell out of my car and told my boss what my night entailed and what I was capable of doing that day, he kind of chuckled and then sent me home. Spent the weekend with her and it didn't suck, she had been having a bad go of things and needed some r and r time.

Testing to see if this adding a picture jive works, bad pic and will put something up in the future that actually has something to do with what I am writing about...

The tour was supposed to start this week, kind of bummed about it, was hoping to have a beer with a few of you cats when we were in your city, maybe in the spring or summer. We had booked a last minute show with Green Jelly for friday night, but now they cancelled and the venue still wants the rest of us to play the show, most of which will take place during a friday night hockey game in a town that tak
es sports very seriously, even though the hometown teams are not always doing so well... Still hoping for a decent turnout for the show though. Friday night at Club Diablo in Buffalo starting at 9 pm if anyone is around the area.

Haven't slept for shit in the last few days, instead of sleeping I lay here and cough non stop for about 4 or 5 hours until I say fuck it and just get up. Open mic is tonight so maybe I can get peeled and then fall asleep. My cover band called Zazz Blammymatazz is the house band at a local bar here in ruff Buff called Broadway Joe's and we host an open mic night on Tuesday's. Tonight is the post Halloween party, 50 dollar bar tab for scariest and sexiest costume each and a guitar giveaway. I keep telling my guys to get me a good flyer so I can do some promo for the bar, but three weeks later I am still waiting... May just have to learn how to do it myself so it gets done.

May end up on unemployment soon, the job we are doing is ending this week and we lost our bid on the next one, they expected us to do it for about 3% profit and that just isn't happening, by the time we make up for the stuff my boss estimates low on, the company would be bankrupt, hahaha! He has some stuff for us to do at our shop, and maybe a side project of turning an old house into our new office and shop, but who really knows. We had about 9 people working here a couple months ago, now there are 2, crossing my fingers, being on unemployment makes you feel like the biggest shit heel imaginable and it is so boring.

So, a friend of mine pretty much blew me off last weekend when we were supposed to hang out with some bullshit story about being really sick and stuff, then I hear today about the crazy party that seems to have happened at her house over the weekend, facebook truly is the devil and people are too stupid not to get caught in their lies and deception on it. What ever happened to just saying what you thought? Whatever, fuck it still had a great weekend and seeing my sanity bane tomorrow, hahaha! I hope this has not been too boring, will try to be back to my smart ass bitter self next week, the Marine Corp birthday is next week on the 10th, buy a jarhead a beer, Wed is Veterans day as well, should have some good fun there, open mic that week will rock. My bass player in the cover band and and the bartender are both Army Veterans so the party continues after the bar closes! Taking that Wednesday off of work. Applying to school in the next week or two to change from philosophy to mechanical engineering, hope it goes well. Have a good week all, oh, a parting question... I would like to reply to your comments, should I do it here, on my comment page, or on your blog pages? Please advise and safe and have some fun, I look forward to reading all your stories this week when I get some time, for now off to the bar for open mic, wish I had known about this party ahead of time, don't have time to get a costume together now.

From the bat cave,
Kris

Monday, October 26, 2009

Bu bu bu beeeer

Wow, what a week, my birthday celebration went from Tuesday through Sunday evening. Tue. was open mic and beer, Wed. was a hockey game, horror show, and beer, Thur. was wings and beer, Fri. was lots of beer, and Sat. was clubbing and beer, with lots of shots most nights. I was able to save the band 300 bucks by doing some side work for the landlord at the practice space, thank god for that, I was going to have a hard time coming up with that this month, this week I have to do battle with the student loan people for a forbearance until school starts in Jan. Hoping I can tell them "...look, I want to do this the legal way and I am going back to school in Jan, however, comma, pause for effect, I don't have money for you either way so whether you give me the forbearance or not, you are not getting shit from me, figured I would tell you up front..." When they tell me there is nothing they can do I will respond with a tactful and polite "Go fornicate yourself with an iron stick." Hope it goes well.

Ugly people in late night commercials for sex stuff, what the hell? I got rid of the regular a couple weeks ago, she kept rubbing it in my face about some new guy she met and I got sick of it so I started hitting on her friend a couple weeks ago. She got real pissed and tried like hell to cock block me behind my back while telling me to my face the exact opposite. When I called her out on it, she became even more pissed and told me I was an asshole to which my immediate response was to tell her to go pound sand. She then told me she hoped I die and a bunch of other pleasant and dramatic things. One more piece of support for why I won't date 20-21 yr olds.

Went grocery shopping last night, think I shall start doing it at night, less people. However, it would be really nice if just once I could find something to eat that it moderately healthy, quick to prepare and comes in a single cock sucking mother loving hippy ass goddamned serving, holy fucking hell, I swear I will nuke the whole town and a few surrounding ones one of these days. Finally found something that looks like it may work, spent an hour in the store, but I did set a new record low at the cash out... drum roll please......... 38.46. Only one "bad" thing in the cart too, some Oreo's, I like cookies... alot... my one weakness...

Tour is not happening now, do not remember if I mentioned it before or not, lots of issues and bullshit, but at least we have some shit coming up and are going to start on the new cd. We are opening for Green Jelly on the 6th at Club Diablo here in Buffalo and we are looking into a show on Thanksgiving eve as well.

Thank you once again to my roommates who came crashing in at 305 in the am and stomped around yelling at each other for 20 min just as I was about to finally fall asleep, then the two above me had an argument till 4am, so now I am up, blogging, and doing laundry at 4 fucking 55 am. I hate everybody... I am sorry I have not been keeping up on your blogs, I will be catching up during the week sometime, especially angry red head and uncorked, those are two of my favourites. This may be one of the first ones I have written with no booze whatsoever in my system, odd. Think I should cut back a little anyway, also will help with the calories, trying to not be such an asshole about the way I eat, at least during the week.

My bass player wants to take me to NYC for a weekend coming up this month, hope I have the cash, he knows a bunch of people and can get us a place to crash and into alot of high end bars and clubs for free. I'll post actual dates when/if it happens, if anyone is in the area and wants to have some beers, let me know!

I have a new pick up line as well, let me know what you think... "You, me, case of beer, can of crisco, and a clown mask, whaddya say?" Hope everyone has a good week, I'll try to put another post up during the week as well, have to figure out how to word a few things because a few people that actually know me are reading this now, lol.
Drive fast, take chances, always pass on the right.
Moriartty

Monday, October 19, 2009

First off let me apologize for missing a week and being late with this one, was a busy couple weeks with too much drama and too little sleep and cash. Still hacking my way through the dating world, having some fun and meeting some cool people, a couple dicks too, but thats always the way, hahaha! Another reason why I shouldn't talk to girls when I am drunk... I end up writing such fabulous lines as "roses are red, violets are black. Hey baby, nice fuckin rack" Also mentioned something about a clone army of ferrets... One of those I actually though of sober, hahaha! A friend of mine did think they were funny later though, but I wasn't trying to pick her up with that line.
I have seen a few things on the old boob tube to make me both laugh and want to attack myself with a nail gun to stop the pain. Lets start with a funny one... The new SW Air commercial has the best tag line I have seen in quite a while. The end of the commercial rolls up and the screen says, "Grab your bag... it's on", freakin awesome! There was a commercial for a place that will fix your windshield if it has a chip in it before it gets bad enough to have the entire thing replaced. Now I assume they have some smart cat's writing these commercials and to hear grammar being slaughtered like slutty girls in a cheap horror movie makes me think they are doing it on purpose. Some kind of thing where they think the stupid shit's will identify with a guy thats just like they are, just a regular guy, working man, and all that jive. Or someone sure fucked the dog on that bit of editing... While we are on conspiracies though, let this one sink in for a min and let me know if I am crazy or have I figured it all out. The downfall of the economy and the lack of it getting much better could be a scheme to raise the numbers of people enlisting in the military. Probably jumping at shadows, but you never know, lol.

Apparently it is no longer safe to eat fruit. Saw a commercial for some new hippy toothpaste that was talking about protecting your teeth from those horrible and terrible fruits and the nasty acid's that are in them. Give me a fucking break, these are the same assholes that switch their mind every goddamn six months about which parts of a freakin egg you should or shouldn't eat and if it is ok to have milk if you want to live past 20.

I won't say too much on the movie Where the Wild Things Are except I am not a fan of the idea of a kid dressed like a raccoon dancing around with a bunch of failed Muppet's. Doesn't sound entertaining to me and I didn't like it as a kid either. I would like to reign death and fire from the sky down upon my boss more than ever. I am used to not getting quite the right parts to do things and I have realized this is the way it is going to be. He cares more about the bottom line and not making something look good it seems, however, comma, pause for effect... When you make me use the wrong fucking parts then complain about it a couple days later and make me look like an asshole? Thats when people die. At least I am getting the right parts now if nothing else... fucking commies...

Had a couple dates in the last week, the first one went rather shitty, she faked sick by the end of it, but whatever on that. The other two went well, had a lot of fun and at the very least I'll end up with a friend or two, the best, heh heh, well you know:) The tour is off now it seems for the metal band, there were some issues both financial and legal with one of the bands and alot of rumors on top of that so we are not going. Shitty, but we can work on writing new material and playing some more shows, maybe get the new cd done in the Spring. Took the semester off of school for fucking nothing though, can't say I'm surprised by the turn of events though...

Turns out when you drink beer for 10 hours straight, you get pretty hammered. Did that yesterday for the football games, had a good time, but paid for it today at work, felt like I had a wet blanket wrapped around me most the day. Open mic is tomorrow and it is the kickoff to my birthday, if your around Buffalo, drop in to Broadway Joe's for a beer and a tune or two. I am going to try not to get peeled all week long, but I think tonight may be my only night off. Have to play it by ear, hahaha! 28... never thought I would ever make it this far, not in the greatest position imaginable, but have some good plans and thing are in motion as long as funding stays in place and gets better (looks at his boss quizzically), things will turn out ok. Had a little too much fun this past two weekends and have to lie low to make sure I can scrape out my bills for the rest of the month.
Ps. If you can get your paws on a beer called Sapporo, rock it out man, it is some tasty beer.
Take care and have a good week all, I'll hopefully be back on Sunday with some good birthday stories.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Things that make you go.... Where is the fucking booze?!

Well, here we are, another week gone, stuff happened, came, and went. Averaged about 3 hrs sleep a night all week and even through till today, that puts you in a good mood to start. Work was work, nothing too bad, just fighting to get the parts I need in a size I can use in a timeframe to stay on schedule. Band played Saturday night, that went pretty well, we were worried about the show, but it went off without a hitch and we had a good turn out. The girl I told you about? Yeah that went about as well as it usually does, hahaha! The regular is gone now, found a new guy, told me all about it, then got mad because I hit on some other chick, never did understand the women folk, back to square one there. Have a couple plots and plans cooking on the stove though, as soon as my toad lips, bat wings, and rufies come in the mail I shall be ready to rock.
It was a long week too, practice every night getting ready for the show, a memorial service/funeral at open mic night for a fellow musician that lost the battle with alcoholism, all on top of not sleeping and not having an appetite and giving up on my patches and being back on the nicotine. I almost murdered my boss a couple times, and think I scared him once with the string of profanity and various descriptions of the fate that would befall the next person to fuck with me, short me on parts, or tell me to calm down. Too much stress for one week, the band was learning three new songs and our bassist was singing for the first time ever on top of us being a three piece and having to deal with missing a second guitar, singer, and backup singer.
Good news though, the men are back state side. My old Marine Corp unit just got back from Iraq late last week and will be home on Thursday, much booze will be consumed this weekend in Rochester Friday night! I have a sports tirade, have to go back to my last couple posts and see if I already did it, mind is kind of fried currently. I will probably save the sports shit for a separate post since I am guessing that most the people that read this could give a flying fuck about hockey or football, I am not much for football, but all my friends are so I have to play that game and have a clue what is going on and what everyone is talking about.
Going to be 28 in a couple weeks, not too sure how I feel about that, trying to find something cool to do that weekend. Not too many ideas yet, probably going to ______, to drink lots of ______ and get some _____ to _____ my _____ and take it in the ______ while standing on her head and yodeling while being water boarded with molasses. And a candle so it's all romantical and shit... Although, more than likely I'll just be face down on the basement floor, hahaha!
I have thought of a new post for my facebook, going to try it and see how many people block me or remove me. It will look something like this; Kris - is fun even with his pants on! I'll let you know how it goes.
Chocolate chip cookies were on sale at the store as well:) Trying some new hippie kind of bread, going to take me a sammige to work for lunch for the first time in a couple years. Sick of tuna packets and cereal. Picked up some luncheon meat and this flat sort of pita ish thing that is surely the work of satan, but only 100 calories per thingy, so fuckin A I'll take a run at it.
I was peeled the other day and actually gave serious though to interweb dating... how butt fucking pathetic is that? I just get aggravated at the bullshit, fake people, liars, and whores. Not saying I am perfect, but what the shittin shit man, would one date with someone reasonably normal or at least fucked up in a cool and interesting way be out of line to ask for? Suppose it's better than fighting with some pain in the ass about stupid shit non stop though, shit like "You drink too much", "You have band practice again?", "Did you kill another hooker?", and "The dog doesn't like to be touched there." I have a few more bucks in my pocket and a little less stress in my life. My bass player keeps telling me to look for the good in things instead of the bad, think I'll give it a shot, and speaking of shots...
Well, hockey is starting in a bit, have a couple of things to do before the Canucks play. Have a good week all, leave me some love and I'll return the favour.

Moriartty