Don't know how to get music on here, so if possible and able, put the song "Life of Mine" from Five.Bolt.Main in the background as you read this to set the mood:)
This is my new beer coozy, think it may be my new profile picture, I'll put it to a vote here, if the votes for yea outnumber the nay's it stays.
This is what 2000 and swine did to me, I am the deer on the left...
Like my partner in functional alcoholism V, the first few moments of new years eve stuff sucked fetid donkey balls. (cap's left off because I hate it that much) I was with the the girl I was dating at the time, the super hippie from Toronto, guess she couldn't find a date for the night. I had just gotten laid off a week before x-mas, and was stone sober because she didn't like booze of any kind. We sat on the couch and watched the ball drop, she didn't even kiss me, we went to bed and no play time for the white kid either:( She snored and hogged the covers too, bitch... The spring semester was hard and I didn't find a job until the end of May. I spent the summer drunk which was ok, playing with my two new bands and slowly realizing my new job sucked more than a hooker on pay day. Had a small hope that the tour my band was supposed to go on for 7 weeks would be the vacation and adventure I needed for my sanity and to punish my liver for burning dinner the week before... Well two weeks before it went off, after I had dropped school for the semester and all that, the band who shall remain nameless so I don't get sued, freaked out that we were going to make a measly 150 a show and get our rider of food and a hotel room. The two guys that bitched would have lost about 35 bucks a night with us getting paid. We were told we were now doing 7 weeks on the road for free and we should be lucky that we didn't have to pay them to play each show. They are a good band, they used to be kinda big, sort of... They don't warrant a pay to play tour, especially since we (my band I wasn't in the band for last years tour) toured with them last year and got paid, we are a national touring band for fuck sake, not as big as they are, but still in the same category, we are signed to a record label and have a fan base around the country for all intensive purposes. We did not go. My life has sucked immensely since tour was supposed to happen, my car broke down, had to borrow money and not pay bills to get it fixed, from me letting other people use my stuff at the open mic my other band hosts, I have $500 of shit to replace that I cannot afford and an important show tonight, my phone went for a swim (more on that later), and everything in general has just sucked. I can't help but think things would not have been so shitty had I been on the road, I also would have gotten to possibly meet and have beers with some of you hip cats and kittens, the three of you who read this dribble, ha ha ha! Had a good prospect on a new job, didn't go in my favour and went through one psycho bitch after another, each more fucked up than the last. And I cut my nipple shaving once over the summer too, hurt worse than getting it pierced.
This year for new years, I may have a gig, opening slot so I will be sweaty, half drunk, and downtown with 3000 worth of drums in my car on the night with the most crime, cops, and retards out imaginable. Gig probably won't happen, hope it doesn't, but the only offer I have so far is to go hang out with a skirt I can't fuck in a place where I can't get drunk. I have a show in Erie, PA on the first at night, so I can only drink till about 6am, but that isn't a problem, though I will probably just sit at the house and play a game that lets me knife people in the kidney's. I will be on the beer however, a couple of you may get drunk dialed/texted, but probably not, cause I have done it a couple times and no one is up or bored by the time I get housed, I don't call ex's and whine, I call random people and try to tell jokes or at least be entertaining, not sure if it works, ha ha ha! As far as a resolution goes? Not sure, not going to do the stupid hippie jive everyone else does, " I want to not be a fat fuck", or "I want world peace and babies not to cry", or "I am going to do this year for me", ect, fuck that shit, it is all just talk. A bunch of pathetic whining that never gets accomplished anyway. I guess I will just try to stay away from the psycho's and dick bags that made this last year so unrelentingly miserable.
So, last weekend I went to an ugly sweater party, it was a small crowd and really nice and cool people, hope I didn't make an ass out of myself and they would hang out with me again, I caught this one broad peepin me most the night, but her bud told me she is dating someone, wonder why that never came up when we were chatting, ha ha ha! Oh well, back into the pond. I was peeled and after about 13 beers, I was out and had to switch to Jack, my arch nemesis, I hate Jack more than I hate the homeless 22 yr old Nam vet who is better dressed than I am asking me for money outside of Walmart. That kid will die by my hand one day, and I promise it will be slow and painful and I will be laughing my dick off the entire time. By about my third mug of Jack, I think I remember my phone slipping out of my hand and into said beverage, fail. We ended up going to the local scissor hut after the party for a friend of a friends birthday party, I was still capable of coherent conversation too! Is it bad that even on 13 beers and a half bottle of Jack that people don't believe I am drunk? Instead of chasing tail with the other guys, my dumb ass spent an hour sitting outside chain smoking and talking to this dame about how to get the girl she liked to notice her. I should just hang my hat up now and become a fucking Eunic or however the sex you spell it. (mac dictionary has failed me again which means I am not even close!) I went to the T-mobile store the next morning after about 4 hours of sleep and a slight headache, the guy asks me what happened cause it has water damage. I told him what I remember and he asked if it was me that had booze scented cologne on. I told him how much I had imbibed the prior evening and he was astonished, not a good sign:) 130 fucking dollars to replace this hippie ass piece of shit phone WITH FUCKING INSURANCE!!! Well the 100 I had for x-mas shopping was gone, I officially suck. My mom saved the day by sending me a couple things to wrap for my sister's fuck trophies and my grandmother so I didn't look like a complete shit heel. She also replaced my drum tuner for xmas, it was "lost" earlier in the year but the guy that "didn't steal it and doesn't know anything about it" off'd himself so I can't bitch anymore... fucker.
My boss ran out of work/money so he loaned me to another company for a few weeks, going to see if they will hire me, but they probably won't since this group of electrical contractors work together and share employee's when needed. It is a bigger and better company though. I got back into school for January, have to do fin aid, and hope there are still some useful classes left open.
Have a good weekend everyone, be safe, but have a shit ton of fun, I look forward to reading/hearing about it!
Cheers,
The bitter Jarhead
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