Well, another week gone and done, it was a busy week and now I finally get a day off. I have been talking to a couple girls that I was looking to hang out with and all that jazz and I have one question... Is it possible that a chick who is fucking SINGLE could show some interest? Am I a magnet for freaks? I mean come on, my "regular" went back to her ex because I wouldn't date her I heard, fine and dandy, not a big deal, but I thought she could do better than him. I head out and re join the hunt, warpaint on and a fresh spear, feelin kinda froggy, new burst of confidence, good wingman by my side, the herd is grazing and I am mingling amonst them, no one the wiser. Don't want to get into a relationship with the band going on the road for 2 months starting in november, but it would be nice to have someone to hang out with, see a movie with, have dinner with, I like to cook but usually refuse to do it for just myself. Anywhoo... I end up meeting a chick or two that were kinda diggin it, then find out one is engaged and the other has been with her dude for 7, comma, pause for effect, SEVEN years?!?! She hates him and he hates her and she wants to have a naked whip cream fight or some shit like that before I stuff it in her slush pump. I would like to hang out with a single chick who might actually want to hang out, not just get drunk and shag like a bantha in heat. Not that I don't want to get laid like anything else with a pulse, but it just annoys me that the last three chicks I have met have boyfriends and shit. Maybe I should just call myself plan B, hahahaha! Suppose it's less stress this way, just turn my phone on around 2 am and wait for one of them to have a fight and need some consolation, but that seems like a dirtbag move, don't think I want to be that cat.
Things with the band are going well, we are working on posters for the tour and promoting our show for 3 October, poking around to see if we can add another guitar player to fill things out before we hit the bricks. Coverband played friday night and had an absolute blast, we had a few new songs to throw in and I didn't get wasted till after we played! Afterward it was game fucking on though, was up till 630 in the a.m. sluggin loudmouth soup. Today I am going to catch up on nap's business for the bands, and a few other things. Making a big lasagna or however it's spelled, this way I don't have to cook all week long again. Grape and Wine festival in St. Catharines next weekend, think I am going to go for Friday night and or Saturday. Big cookout/party the day after and hopefully I get Monday off from work, though it probably won't be paid. (insert cheap boss joke/comment here) Guess I'll have to sell some extra crack that week, lol. Also found an old roommate on facebook a few days ago, been forever since I have talked to her, pretty cool chick, and the cat she was dating at the time was hip too. Would like to have a beer with her and swap dating horror stories.
Although this Grape and Wine festival should be a good time, I could use a couple days away and the chick I am going with is pretty cool to hang out with. I used to date her cokeslut of a sister, whom I lovingly refer to as Cokey the Wunderlush. Not a word of truth or moment of sobriety from this ragdoll, but i was in a shitty spot and it worked for a short while till I sobered up and smartened up (or so I thought, hahaha) and continued to hack my way through the briar patch of psycho bitches. For those of you who don't know me I am about 5'7" pale as casper and weigh in at about 165 lbs. This info comes in handy in about three sentences. I end up talking to Cokey's sister by accident because she lost her phone and was using her sisters. Her sister got pissed that Cokey was using her phone, but we ended up chatting and swapping stories about her sisters lies and drug binges. Find out she was married (common law) and a college dropout, not having the 4 degrees she talked about every ten minutes. I also find out that according to Cokey, I am a 6'8" hulking black weightlifter and former Marine that stalked her and kidnapped her and raped her in a hotel. I am a Marine, but not too much else of any of the others. Funny that I was supposedly stalking her even though I had blocked her on everything I could, moved and changed my phone number to get away from her and she found me a year or so later and wanted to hang out. Her sister had the texts of her bugging me so she knew I wasn't some weird stalker. We ended up going out one night and drank enough booze to sail a ship on and I ripped my favourite jeans hopping over a fence at 4am because it seemed like a really good idea. Didn't spill my beer though! And, we got some fresh flowers from the park for her mom that was sick. So next weekend should be fun, another busy week coming up, I'll hope something cool or funny happens, I'll keep you posted. Enjoy the weather if it's nice where you are and I'll post the touring schedule when I get the official one. If I'm going to be in your town, maybe we can grab a beer at the show! We are touring with Flaw starting in November.
Keep on rocking,
Kris
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Get rich quick
My latest idea was shot down by my friend who is a P.A. I get a kick out of all these weight loss commercials, where the old, fat, bald, sad person in the bad light is fat and miserable. The after picture when the person is air brushed, ripped after 4 weeks, has more hair with less grey, looks happy and almost looks like there is a line around the neck leading one to think that it could possibly be another body. I mean come on, do you really think that taking a pill and still sitting on your fat ass eating a bucket of fucking lard with a spoon will make you skinny? Well, I guess alot of people do, and they should all be rounded up, sterilized and shipped off somewhere where they can die cold and alone and not infect people with this stupidity.
Anyway, my new million dollar idea was along these same lines, figure if you can't beat 'em, you might as well make money off these window licking fuck tards. I know that the marketing division, fueled by satan, red bull, and a fistful of drugs can sell my idea and make it look great. It will work to, side effects may be mild and may include severe sickness, death, bowel problems, people to laugh at you, and a myriad of other things, but the announcer can put a happy spin on it and talk very quiet and fast with happy music and sexy people on the screen bumping uglies or something.
I have two words for you.....
Tape
Worm
Wrap your brain housing group around that one and tell me it's not the best idea you have ever heard. You eat a piece of chocolate cake (studies show lard asses like chocolate cake) and this little fledgling personal sexyifier ( the marketing division will explain that term, or make it sound edgy and or smart) works it's way to your nether region and all you have to do is wait for the Sweedish models to start beating your door down. Or whatever the chick version of this fantasy is, I am guessing a flying firefighter who is a volunteer kid taker care of person and has his dick tucked into his sock, but still has perfect hair and has his sweat glands removed.
You just wait and eat and get skinny, After target weight is reached, a few pills and a pair of hot dog tongs will fix you right up and no one will be the wiser. How much would you expect to pay for this service, no not service, honour, how much would you pay for the honour of this breakthrough technology? I figure I could sell it for a good 100 beans. People without insurance might not dig it, but they won't think that far ahead in the future. It'll just have to be packaged in a very serious looking box and have a "doctor" approve of it. I am sure I could pay some college professor with a phd to do it, they can't have souls with all the goddamned books they make us buy for classes.
Apparently though, this P.A. kid tells me that you could die and apparently people bitch about minute details such as this and I guess major surgery could be involved, and yes I am rolling my eyes and imagining this being said in a very sarcastic and condesending tone. Isn't it worth it though? Whats a little risk when the payout is so great? Get the skinny, emo look you always wanted, guys, look like a methed out coke freak, cheeks sunken in and that freak nasty dent under your sternum. Girls, lose those tits and that ass, look just like a 12 yr old boy and be able to stick a fist between each rib. Thats what the marketing people tell us is hot and desireable.
That is my million dollar idea, if it fails then I am just going to have to go to work in the morning...
Anyway, my new million dollar idea was along these same lines, figure if you can't beat 'em, you might as well make money off these window licking fuck tards. I know that the marketing division, fueled by satan, red bull, and a fistful of drugs can sell my idea and make it look great. It will work to, side effects may be mild and may include severe sickness, death, bowel problems, people to laugh at you, and a myriad of other things, but the announcer can put a happy spin on it and talk very quiet and fast with happy music and sexy people on the screen bumping uglies or something.
I have two words for you.....
Tape
Worm
Wrap your brain housing group around that one and tell me it's not the best idea you have ever heard. You eat a piece of chocolate cake (studies show lard asses like chocolate cake) and this little fledgling personal sexyifier ( the marketing division will explain that term, or make it sound edgy and or smart) works it's way to your nether region and all you have to do is wait for the Sweedish models to start beating your door down. Or whatever the chick version of this fantasy is, I am guessing a flying firefighter who is a volunteer kid taker care of person and has his dick tucked into his sock, but still has perfect hair and has his sweat glands removed.
You just wait and eat and get skinny, After target weight is reached, a few pills and a pair of hot dog tongs will fix you right up and no one will be the wiser. How much would you expect to pay for this service, no not service, honour, how much would you pay for the honour of this breakthrough technology? I figure I could sell it for a good 100 beans. People without insurance might not dig it, but they won't think that far ahead in the future. It'll just have to be packaged in a very serious looking box and have a "doctor" approve of it. I am sure I could pay some college professor with a phd to do it, they can't have souls with all the goddamned books they make us buy for classes.
Apparently though, this P.A. kid tells me that you could die and apparently people bitch about minute details such as this and I guess major surgery could be involved, and yes I am rolling my eyes and imagining this being said in a very sarcastic and condesending tone. Isn't it worth it though? Whats a little risk when the payout is so great? Get the skinny, emo look you always wanted, guys, look like a methed out coke freak, cheeks sunken in and that freak nasty dent under your sternum. Girls, lose those tits and that ass, look just like a 12 yr old boy and be able to stick a fist between each rib. Thats what the marketing people tell us is hot and desireable.
That is my million dollar idea, if it fails then I am just going to have to go to work in the morning...
Sunday, August 23, 2009
chili
Ok, Not much happened this weekend unfortunately, went out on friday night to be the distraction, ended up hanging out with the other one and may get a date out of it, weird the way things work out. Last nights party was cool, thanks Jenn:) I drank alot and did about 30 jello shots I think, did most of them with this old Squid (Navy cat) and he was a fucking riot. Good times and good stories, and a wicked hangover this morning, but totaly worth it. Today I am making chili and not to be a dick, but I can make the fuck out of a batch of chili and if I play my cards right, this will be the last time I cook for the week. Unless this chick ends up coming over for dinner during the week, have to find a classy excuse to not have wine with dinner because I hate it more than Chris Reeves hates stairs. She knows I drink so that is out, and I look like a jerk if I get the wrong kind or carve my tongue out of my own face to get away from the terrible after taste wine leaves, and my balls are too big to cut it with sprite. I am welcoming ideas and thoughts from all on this. Think I am going Italian for that night, but can't say anything else on the chance she finds the link and reads this. I would like however, to share my chili recipe with you hip cats. Maybe someone will like it and maybe someone will have an idea to make it even better. I discovered last time not to buy cheap shit, it really does make a difference and fucked the last one up by trying to save 50 cents...
Recipe for chili:
3-4 mid size cans of tomato sauce and the small can of paste. Two cans of preferred beans, 1 pepper, green red or orange, which ever is cheapest:) 1 jalapeno (and yes I pronounce it the way it is spelled so there) garlic, chili, paprika, cumin, hot shot, crushed red pepper for spices/powders. 1 small package of stir fry steak and 2 pounds of sausage. giggity giggity goo
I don't have exact measurements for the spices, but i used a fuck ton of chili powder, probably a good 4 spoons of cumin, a little garlic powder, 1/3 of a thing of paprika, a pinch of sugar, smaller pinch of salt (which was a bad idea...) and I was very liberal with the hot shot pepper mix and crushed pepper. I also threw in about half a bottle of chipotle tobasco sauce, but like the original tobasco better. So far it looks pretty good, waiting for it to thicken, should have put more tomato paste in it I guess. For you hippies, you can use turkey sausage or vegetarian sausage and it doesn't affect the taste much if at all. It filled the crock pot all the way up and should be dinner all week long. Might have to put some more hot sauce in it, it tastes salty today, not sure why, I am blaming the store brand sausage I used instead of the Jimmy Dean hot stuff I usually use. But if your bored, give it a whirl and let me know how it turns out for you.
You cook the meat down whilst all the other jazz warms ujp in the pot. mix all together and let it slightly boil for about 4 beers. Then turn it down and take the lid off and let it rock out until you get hungry, it will thicken up more and taste a little better the next day, but fuck it I can;t wait that long:)
Band photo's got cancelled due to the weather today, hope to get those done soon.
Recipe for chili:
3-4 mid size cans of tomato sauce and the small can of paste. Two cans of preferred beans, 1 pepper, green red or orange, which ever is cheapest:) 1 jalapeno (and yes I pronounce it the way it is spelled so there) garlic, chili, paprika, cumin, hot shot, crushed red pepper for spices/powders. 1 small package of stir fry steak and 2 pounds of sausage. giggity giggity goo
I don't have exact measurements for the spices, but i used a fuck ton of chili powder, probably a good 4 spoons of cumin, a little garlic powder, 1/3 of a thing of paprika, a pinch of sugar, smaller pinch of salt (which was a bad idea...) and I was very liberal with the hot shot pepper mix and crushed pepper. I also threw in about half a bottle of chipotle tobasco sauce, but like the original tobasco better. So far it looks pretty good, waiting for it to thicken, should have put more tomato paste in it I guess. For you hippies, you can use turkey sausage or vegetarian sausage and it doesn't affect the taste much if at all. It filled the crock pot all the way up and should be dinner all week long. Might have to put some more hot sauce in it, it tastes salty today, not sure why, I am blaming the store brand sausage I used instead of the Jimmy Dean hot stuff I usually use. But if your bored, give it a whirl and let me know how it turns out for you.
You cook the meat down whilst all the other jazz warms ujp in the pot. mix all together and let it slightly boil for about 4 beers. Then turn it down and take the lid off and let it rock out until you get hungry, it will thicken up more and taste a little better the next day, but fuck it I can;t wait that long:)
Band photo's got cancelled due to the weather today, hope to get those done soon.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Thursday night...
Thursday, I was supposed to go out with my friend for a beer, emphasis on the singular... He tried to bitch out and I talked him into a beer at TGI Friday's. Happy hour rocks, 2 beans for a Corona, can't beat it unless you drink at home. By the time We got there, he was in the middle of a shit storm with an ex of his, tried to distrat him but they were writing novels to each other on the phone. I pump a couple beers in him and he wants to go downtown in good ol' Buffalo for a cup of loudmouth soup and blow off some steam. I'm always down for a good time so we head down there and the rain stops as we get there, fuckin sweet. We're on Chippewa, the clubby district, not really my kind of place most the time, but I can clean up pretty well when I need/want to. We are hanging out in the bar and chatting, methodically setting about getting peeled. I know I have to work at 0700, not too worried. We head to this joint called the Bayou or some bulljive like that and it's not too bad, decent prices on drinks, lots of people, everyone peeld and having a good time. Lots of people making eye contact and lots of birds dancing trying to be teases, we're just here for the beer, no drama. We end up talking to a couple girls here and there, nothing much, just chatting and hanging out. Some chick wants me to look for her hair thingy and I told her I would help look, but not doing her dirty work, I'm not a total sucker... I hope, hahaha! She is ok with that but gets pissy when I tell her I'll be in when I'm done with my smoke, she finished first and didn't want to wait, whatever. I head back in and head to the washroom, get mixed up because apparently after 3 shots of whiskey and about 10 beers, you have a tendancy to get a little but of a buzz rocking. I sit back down... well let me explain that part, there is a shelf along one wall where all the birds get up and dance in their short skirts for the guys to buy them drinks all night, guys are dumb, haha. We were sitting on this ledge and once we sat down there, it took about 5 min for the whole bench to fill up with girls dancing behind us. Anyhoo, I sit down and some dame grabs my head from behind and grinds it into her jive slice for about 5 seconds then lets me go and goes on about her business. We laughed and thought, "What the fuck?!" I turned to look at this girl and it was some chubby freak with a plastic shirt that showed her fat wrinkled thighs and she had the ovaries to give me a dirty look! I thought about tripping her when she came down from the dance shelf there, but that would be mean.
Tonight my services are required as wingman and I'm heading out in a bit, pre gaming now so I spend less at the bar. This is also my chance to tell all you women out there, if you want a cat to buy you a drink, don't ask. The last bird that asked me to buy her a drink didn;t like the response she recieved. I told her no and when she asked why I told her because she asked, then topped it off with telling her I would rather buy a drink for her friend because she was cuter. For some reason she got mad at me. Some guys are dumb like that, they will buy the girl drinks all night who they don't know and expect that if they buy her drinks that will get them somewhere, nope! I would rather nail my dick to a burning building than drop 30 bones on booze for a total stranger when you can see her fat friend glaring at you in the corner, having decided already she will blow your shit up if you happen to get to the point where you exchange numbers. Only makes you poor, and she is just using you for drinks. If I am hanging out with a chick I may buy her a drink if we're chatting and whatnot, not to get her peeled, cause I hate doing shots alone:) So for tonight, my friend has a girl that wants to grab a beer and has a friend from out of town that needs someone to hang out with. Sounds like a good time, and they are not dressed for the clubs, so I don't have to feel obligated to pay cover for this girl. Makes me sound cheap, but I like to think of it as smarter budgeting. I am the first one to buy a round for my friends when I have cash to spare, sometimes I don't though, hahaha. I'll try to post more over the weekend, tonight should prodice a good story or two and I have a chick issue to lay down as well. Have a good weekend all, don't do anything I wouldn't do! Drive fast, take chances, always pass on the right, condoms are cheaper than diapers and herpes cream. In all seriousness, be safe and have some fun. We'll chat soon:)
Tonight my services are required as wingman and I'm heading out in a bit, pre gaming now so I spend less at the bar. This is also my chance to tell all you women out there, if you want a cat to buy you a drink, don't ask. The last bird that asked me to buy her a drink didn;t like the response she recieved. I told her no and when she asked why I told her because she asked, then topped it off with telling her I would rather buy a drink for her friend because she was cuter. For some reason she got mad at me. Some guys are dumb like that, they will buy the girl drinks all night who they don't know and expect that if they buy her drinks that will get them somewhere, nope! I would rather nail my dick to a burning building than drop 30 bones on booze for a total stranger when you can see her fat friend glaring at you in the corner, having decided already she will blow your shit up if you happen to get to the point where you exchange numbers. Only makes you poor, and she is just using you for drinks. If I am hanging out with a chick I may buy her a drink if we're chatting and whatnot, not to get her peeled, cause I hate doing shots alone:) So for tonight, my friend has a girl that wants to grab a beer and has a friend from out of town that needs someone to hang out with. Sounds like a good time, and they are not dressed for the clubs, so I don't have to feel obligated to pay cover for this girl. Makes me sound cheap, but I like to think of it as smarter budgeting. I am the first one to buy a round for my friends when I have cash to spare, sometimes I don't though, hahaha. I'll try to post more over the weekend, tonight should prodice a good story or two and I have a chick issue to lay down as well. Have a good weekend all, don't do anything I wouldn't do! Drive fast, take chances, always pass on the right, condoms are cheaper than diapers and herpes cream. In all seriousness, be safe and have some fun. We'll chat soon:)
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The last 24 hours... it's a long one, sorry
Murphy's Law is in full effect. Def going to sip a beer tonight, actually I'll go get one now, pop a tune in and I'll be back in a few.
Ah, Miller low life, the piss water of beer, but cheap and on the last one then the Molson's will be cold! So, lets set the mood for this evening, it's 2042, I just had dinner, worked all day in an oven of a room in 100 degree heat and a fuck ton of humidity, had a massive headache all day, couldn't go to open mic tonight, and forgot to bring my Oreo's to work. I haven't even had time to shower yet and now that everyone else is back at the piece they are all showering and I have to wait and stew in my room with a case of the batwings going on. For the faint of heart skip to the next paragraph, for I am to explain batwings for those who don't habla. Having the batwings is when your balls stick to your legs due to heat and sweat, so you have to bow your legs out and bend at the knees or lift one leg straight out to the side to feel them peel off of your leg, doesn't matter which one or both you shave, (legs/sack) or if you use powder, if you wear boxers, it will happen. I wonder if there is a chick version of this....
Ok, this started on Sunday I guess, a friend of mine needs a new gas tank installed on her car, my roommates who are alot more car savvy than I agree to do said task for a bottle of vodka to get us through the job, should only be a two hour deal, a nice sunday afternoon we think. About 4 hours into it, we find some other parts that need replacing, can't get them because the commie fucks at the parts store closed early. They go Monday cause I'm the only one who had to work and get the parts and keep messing with it. We find out around 8pm that a couple nuts are stripped and once again the store is closed, goddamned hippies. Friend takes me to the market for groceries in my car since she is taking it home so she can get to work Tuesday and I can get a ride in to work from another bud of mine.
At the store I am looking for cheap shit for lunches, I hate spending money on food, especially for work. I have been eating tuna packets for about 2 years or so now because they are a buck a piece and no preperation needed, toss in a piece or two if fruit, some hippie crackers or something and my two water bottles, and Kris is a happy little fucker at work as long as he gets coffee and smokes. I see these frozen pbj sandwhiches (referred to after as sammiges:) ) for 5 bones, 10 in a box. Jackpot, all the fun of a sammige without having to make it. The best part? No crust!! I just saved a buck a week, not a big deal, but another point scored against the man. I usually have a bagel with cheese for breakfast, quick and cheap and I can eat it on the way and wash it down with a pot of coffee. I see some more frozen shit, bagels shaped like breadsticks with the shit already in them! What could possibly go wrong?, I ask myself. Every goddamned, communist, butt loving one of them has fucking cream cheese in it. I hate cream cheese, I would rather nail my dick to a burning building than eat cream cheese, I was extremely disheartened by finding out they all had cream cheese. Si I buy regular bagels and still have american cheese so I can toast my bagel then put the slice of cheese on each half and let it melt down and I'm a happy little fucker.
I get home, cook some chicken tits on the grill, eat and go to bed, I even found some kind of hippie coffee from Foldgers in a silver bag that has caramel in it, and it's 2 beans cheaper than the Seatle's (or however the hell you spell it,) Best coffee, which I dig, but I'm cool with saving two bucks on coffee. I get up, go to work today, the nuts that were stripped on the gas tank will be at the house by the time I get home from work and I can help my roommate finish up, cause he's the cat that knows whats going on, I'm helping and learning at this point. I spend all day in the oven working with a headache and finally get home, take a handful of asprin and pay down since I beat my roommates home. They get home and we head out to the garage, 20 min and we're done. The posts that the nuts screw onto are stripped as well... after a 20 min session of cursing the car gods and this god forsaken car, we go buy a tap and dye set and re-thread the bolts. Everything sails back together after that, after the whore that the bolts gave us, they were in a real tight spot. We gas the pig up and start it, the fucking fuel pump burst a line, can;t patch it since it's a pressureized line. We knew you should replace the pump if your doing the tank, but chick didn't have the loot and told us not to. Now she has to and I am going to have to front her most of the money for the pump. Oh, and a side note, watching the science channel, just heard that some star in Saggitarius will blow soon, and if it blows up as a gamma ray burst, we're fucked. So tomorrow we're going to get the part, maybe we can finish this shit mess then.
On top of this, I miss a Tuesday night at the bar for open mic, about the only chance the cover band gets to practice and jam with the metal band writing a new album, getting ready for a show, and hoping to go on tour this fall. The coverband thinks I'm ditching out until I tell them to drag their happy asses over and help us and then they stop responding, fucking pigs. I am without my car until probably thursday now, since my roommates go to bed around 2100 since they get up at 0345 fir work in th morning and work 10-12 hour days. I get home at 1600 so that leaves up only a couple hours to work on the car each day, I hate this fucking car, if you own a 92 Plymouth Acclaim, go fucking kill yourself and burn the car because you are not a nice person and your mechanic probably hates you and you probably are the type of person who doesn't give out christmas cards.
On a lighter note, this blogging thig is fun and I am meeting other bloggers who are all very nice, and some even think that I don't suck at this. If you are one of these cats, show it to anyone who like a good laugh, I try to get a chuckle out of people with my rants and would like to be good at this writing jive, so feedback is always welcome.
I would do a rant on pecker pills, but it's been so overdone it's just annoying and who wouldn't party their ass off if they had a hard on for hours on end, we all get it it's not funny anymore. I'm working on enough material for my rant on marketing people, oooh how I hate those fucking maggots, worse than the religious fanatics who use fear and guilt to scare you into giving them money and not looking at midgets shagging kittens on horseback while wearing scuba suits and feathered hats. Or so I've heard, not like I would ever even think of googling that.... without a few more beers, uh, i mean ever.
Happy trails and rock on, I'll post again soon, I also write the blog for my band Displaced, it's more business oriented and all that jazz, but if you get bored check it out, www.myspace.com/DisplaceD
Yours from the bat cave,
Kris
Ah, Miller low life, the piss water of beer, but cheap and on the last one then the Molson's will be cold! So, lets set the mood for this evening, it's 2042, I just had dinner, worked all day in an oven of a room in 100 degree heat and a fuck ton of humidity, had a massive headache all day, couldn't go to open mic tonight, and forgot to bring my Oreo's to work. I haven't even had time to shower yet and now that everyone else is back at the piece they are all showering and I have to wait and stew in my room with a case of the batwings going on. For the faint of heart skip to the next paragraph, for I am to explain batwings for those who don't habla. Having the batwings is when your balls stick to your legs due to heat and sweat, so you have to bow your legs out and bend at the knees or lift one leg straight out to the side to feel them peel off of your leg, doesn't matter which one or both you shave, (legs/sack) or if you use powder, if you wear boxers, it will happen. I wonder if there is a chick version of this....
Ok, this started on Sunday I guess, a friend of mine needs a new gas tank installed on her car, my roommates who are alot more car savvy than I agree to do said task for a bottle of vodka to get us through the job, should only be a two hour deal, a nice sunday afternoon we think. About 4 hours into it, we find some other parts that need replacing, can't get them because the commie fucks at the parts store closed early. They go Monday cause I'm the only one who had to work and get the parts and keep messing with it. We find out around 8pm that a couple nuts are stripped and once again the store is closed, goddamned hippies. Friend takes me to the market for groceries in my car since she is taking it home so she can get to work Tuesday and I can get a ride in to work from another bud of mine.
At the store I am looking for cheap shit for lunches, I hate spending money on food, especially for work. I have been eating tuna packets for about 2 years or so now because they are a buck a piece and no preperation needed, toss in a piece or two if fruit, some hippie crackers or something and my two water bottles, and Kris is a happy little fucker at work as long as he gets coffee and smokes. I see these frozen pbj sandwhiches (referred to after as sammiges:) ) for 5 bones, 10 in a box. Jackpot, all the fun of a sammige without having to make it. The best part? No crust!! I just saved a buck a week, not a big deal, but another point scored against the man. I usually have a bagel with cheese for breakfast, quick and cheap and I can eat it on the way and wash it down with a pot of coffee. I see some more frozen shit, bagels shaped like breadsticks with the shit already in them! What could possibly go wrong?, I ask myself. Every goddamned, communist, butt loving one of them has fucking cream cheese in it. I hate cream cheese, I would rather nail my dick to a burning building than eat cream cheese, I was extremely disheartened by finding out they all had cream cheese. Si I buy regular bagels and still have american cheese so I can toast my bagel then put the slice of cheese on each half and let it melt down and I'm a happy little fucker.
I get home, cook some chicken tits on the grill, eat and go to bed, I even found some kind of hippie coffee from Foldgers in a silver bag that has caramel in it, and it's 2 beans cheaper than the Seatle's (or however the hell you spell it,) Best coffee, which I dig, but I'm cool with saving two bucks on coffee. I get up, go to work today, the nuts that were stripped on the gas tank will be at the house by the time I get home from work and I can help my roommate finish up, cause he's the cat that knows whats going on, I'm helping and learning at this point. I spend all day in the oven working with a headache and finally get home, take a handful of asprin and pay down since I beat my roommates home. They get home and we head out to the garage, 20 min and we're done. The posts that the nuts screw onto are stripped as well... after a 20 min session of cursing the car gods and this god forsaken car, we go buy a tap and dye set and re-thread the bolts. Everything sails back together after that, after the whore that the bolts gave us, they were in a real tight spot. We gas the pig up and start it, the fucking fuel pump burst a line, can;t patch it since it's a pressureized line. We knew you should replace the pump if your doing the tank, but chick didn't have the loot and told us not to. Now she has to and I am going to have to front her most of the money for the pump. Oh, and a side note, watching the science channel, just heard that some star in Saggitarius will blow soon, and if it blows up as a gamma ray burst, we're fucked. So tomorrow we're going to get the part, maybe we can finish this shit mess then.
On top of this, I miss a Tuesday night at the bar for open mic, about the only chance the cover band gets to practice and jam with the metal band writing a new album, getting ready for a show, and hoping to go on tour this fall. The coverband thinks I'm ditching out until I tell them to drag their happy asses over and help us and then they stop responding, fucking pigs. I am without my car until probably thursday now, since my roommates go to bed around 2100 since they get up at 0345 fir work in th morning and work 10-12 hour days. I get home at 1600 so that leaves up only a couple hours to work on the car each day, I hate this fucking car, if you own a 92 Plymouth Acclaim, go fucking kill yourself and burn the car because you are not a nice person and your mechanic probably hates you and you probably are the type of person who doesn't give out christmas cards.
On a lighter note, this blogging thig is fun and I am meeting other bloggers who are all very nice, and some even think that I don't suck at this. If you are one of these cats, show it to anyone who like a good laugh, I try to get a chuckle out of people with my rants and would like to be good at this writing jive, so feedback is always welcome.
I would do a rant on pecker pills, but it's been so overdone it's just annoying and who wouldn't party their ass off if they had a hard on for hours on end, we all get it it's not funny anymore. I'm working on enough material for my rant on marketing people, oooh how I hate those fucking maggots, worse than the religious fanatics who use fear and guilt to scare you into giving them money and not looking at midgets shagging kittens on horseback while wearing scuba suits and feathered hats. Or so I've heard, not like I would ever even think of googling that.... without a few more beers, uh, i mean ever.
Happy trails and rock on, I'll post again soon, I also write the blog for my band Displaced, it's more business oriented and all that jazz, but if you get bored check it out, www.myspace.com/DisplaceD
Yours from the bat cave,
Kris
Sunday, August 16, 2009
blogging stuff
So I also made a thing on a site called 20sb.net for 20 something bloggers. I am not sure if I am supposed to blog on that or here or both so if you don't see much recent here, try heading over there to see a post, I will try to post here though, since there is a link to this page driectly from that one and here I have my content warning so I don't have to listen to people bitch about the way I talk sometimes:)
Friday, August 14, 2009
Next DisplaceD show!
Greetings all, October 3rd my band Displaced is playing at Club Diablo in Buffalo, NY. It would be really cool if you are able to come out and see and support us and do a shot or two with is too! We are playing the early show so that means we can go out after the show. The link for the band is www.myspace.com/displaced Hope to see you there! I'll post reminders as it gets closer, but if anyone feels like finding me on facebook, let me know, the show details are there!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Welfare fraud
So on the news I heard a story about a new program for welfare recipients. It will give them an additional 200 beans to buy school supplies per kid. Thats alot of scratch, I never got that much spent on me as a kid, though things were probably a little cheaper 10-20 years ago. The kicker? they don't even have to prove the kid is in school, the news alluded to a parent of a 3 yr old being eligible for the money, three year olds aren't even in school... There is also no way to ensure the money is being spent on the child. Why not do it like WIC or food stamps? Only certain item are allowed to be purchased. Well, New York seems to be pretty good at wasting money and being asinine with law making so this isn't really much of a surprise. At least we have out red light camera's, lazy, greedy officials looking for extra money even though it will probably take many years for those stupid things to pay for themselves.
Sandra Bullcock
So, this geezer is in a new movie, they tried so hard to make her look young, almost pulled it off, hahahaha! Not that I wouldn't work over her fish mitten given the chance, but she can't pull off the young 20 yr old look anymore. Hell, I can't and I'm only 27! Don't really have much more to say about this, anyone else have a different opinion?
Monday, August 10, 2009
The tables have turned
I hope your all happy, every one of you whining fucking maggots that bitched about the rain and the temp only being in the 80's got your wish. This whole week is supposed to be just like today, high 80's with high humidity and little to no breeze. It's so damn muggy out that you have sweat pouring off of you when your standing still, really comfortable, so glad we're getting "summer weather" finally. Wait till I rule the world, the temp will be between 45 and 65 all year long. Partly to moderately cloudy.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Elmo's tickle hands?
Holy fucking shit, this made me laugh my balls off. Have you seen this commercial for the elmo tickle hand glove things? Big freakin red mittens you wear and when you shake and tickle people the hands make sounds. Like there aren't enough problems with kids touching each other as well as "over involved" parents/adults touching kids? At least there won't be any finger prints! although most of the gloves will probably have some DNA on them, hahahaha!
Well, at least it's one of the few toys advertised that actually have kids active and not sitting on their fat asses being trained by video games to be sharpshooters for the military. I fucking LOVE those games myself, but think it's a tool to get kids used to and numb to violence and bloodshed. After playing those games, I want to eat some raw fucking red meat and kill something! :)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Battle with the bossman
So I had this thing to install, pipe to, and wire up for work and I had a great idea that was quick, easy, and would look pretty good. Guess what happens when I bring this idea up? He tells me his idea is easier and cheaper, keep your eye on the latter, it's the driving factor. It's also the same reason our company power tools are about as old as I am. So I am to believe his crackpot idea when his math has worked out about as well as a midnight stroll through a minefield with a welding mask on. He undershot our phone wire by about 10,000 feet or so. Anyway, I explain the amount of space I have and the fact I am using 4" metal pipe to do this and how much it actually can bend in a given amount of space, he tells me just to do it.
A few days later I put in my order for pipe and request for a bender, which of course is too expensive for us to have so I order pre-bent 90's and 45's to use. It soon becomes apparent to me that holy shit, it won't work, when you cut more than a few inches off these pieces of pipe they lose the angle and after a certain point even cutting on an angle doesn't work because your halfway through the bend on the fucking pipe! I show him this and he still tries to talk around it for a couple minutes. Finally he stops and see's it past the bend and realizes I am very close to just cutting the damn pipe and then he won't be able to return it and caves.
Now my stuff is being ordered and I have to wait for it to come in, so then I can be behind schedule again. Although the drywallers are holding me up on the other half of my shit so I guess I can somehow do a fucking engineer's job and try to figure out how to calculate shit people spend years in school and make a fuck-ton more money than I do to do. But hey, I couldn't wait to get off unemployment, that was boring as fuck, but so much less stressful.
And practice was cancelled for tonight and it's supposed to rain...
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