Get rich quick

My latest idea was shot down by my friend who is a P.A. I get a kick out of all these weight loss commercials, where the old, fat, bald, sad person in the bad light is fat and miserable. The after picture when the person is air brushed, ripped after 4 weeks, has more hair with less grey, looks happy and almost looks like there is a line around the neck leading one to think that it could possibly be another body. I mean come on, do you really think that taking a pill and still sitting on your fat ass eating a bucket of fucking lard with a spoon will make you skinny? Well, I guess alot of people do, and they should all be rounded up, sterilized and shipped off somewhere where they can die cold and alone and not infect people with this stupidity.

Anyway, my new million dollar idea was along these same lines, figure if you can't beat 'em, you might as well make money off these window licking fuck tards. I know that the marketing division, fueled by satan, red bull, and a fistful of drugs can sell my idea and make it look great. It will work to, side effects may be mild and may include severe sickness, death, bowel problems, people to laugh at you, and a myriad of other things, but the announcer can put a happy spin on it and talk very quiet and fast with happy music and sexy people on the screen bumping uglies or something.

I have two words for you.....



Tape




Worm




Wrap your brain housing group around that one and tell me it's not the best idea you have ever heard. You eat a piece of chocolate cake (studies show lard asses like chocolate cake) and this little fledgling personal sexyifier ( the marketing division will explain that term, or make it sound edgy and or smart) works it's way to your nether region and all you have to do is wait for the Sweedish models to start beating your door down. Or whatever the chick version of this fantasy is, I am guessing a flying firefighter who is a volunteer kid taker care of person and has his dick tucked into his sock, but still has perfect hair and has his sweat glands removed.

You just wait and eat and get skinny, After target weight is reached, a few pills and a pair of hot dog tongs will fix you right up and no one will be the wiser. How much would you expect to pay for this service, no not service, honour, how much would you pay for the honour of this breakthrough technology? I figure I could sell it for a good 100 beans. People without insurance might not dig it, but they won't think that far ahead in the future. It'll just have to be packaged in a very serious looking box and have a "doctor" approve of it. I am sure I could pay some college professor with a phd to do it, they can't have souls with all the goddamned books they make us buy for classes.

Apparently though, this P.A. kid tells me that you could die and apparently people bitch about minute details such as this and I guess major surgery could be involved, and yes I am rolling my eyes and imagining this being said in a very sarcastic and condesending tone. Isn't it worth it though? Whats a little risk when the payout is so great? Get the skinny, emo look you always wanted, guys, look like a methed out coke freak, cheeks sunken in and that freak nasty dent under your sternum. Girls, lose those tits and that ass, look just like a 12 yr old boy and be able to stick a fist between each rib. Thats what the marketing people tell us is hot and desireable.

That is my million dollar idea, if it fails then I am just going to have to go to work in the morning...