alcohol abuse or proactive anxiety prevention part 3. READ PART'S 1 AND 2 FIRST

This is a pic of my bassist and I from the photo shoot, thought it was cool.

Onto to random jive, this should be easier than a retarded stripper with amnesia, I have notes;)

I have been wondering why it is that children, more often the women folk, seem to be hitting puberty earlier with every generation. Rather than blame the government for the food additives and shit like that, the first place I went was to wonder if it could ever get so bad that if you fucked your wife while she was pregnant if the kid could be born pregnant. I header a story that supposedly came from ABC that a woman that had a fucked up jive slice and could't shag or something like that, swallowed a load, and then sometime later was stabbed in the stomach and somehow the boys got into her shit and knocked her up due to the knife wound and what it did. This world is as fucked up as the people in it.

The Large Hadron Collider is about to do some wicked shit and I am pumped! I hope it disproves the existence of god once and for all, then maybe the wars can stop. Or... it may create a black hole or something even worse that wipes out humanity or the entire to the known and unknown in the blink of an eye. I say fire it up, I don't think they would do it if they thought it really would destroy the entire universe.

I heard on the news that Maryland was considering outlawing the marrying of first cousins. Now I support gay marriage, if they want to have the rights hetero's do, they should be entitled to them, cause they get all the bad shit too, divorce, in-laws, etc... Now I may sound dualistic or even hypocritical by saying this, but NO FUCKING SHIT!!! You don't marry a first cousin you retarded redneck fuck! Inbreeding is not cool, the kids suffer, and I am not down with people suffering from the stupidity of others when they have no say in the matter. Maybe it's just cause the only cousins I have met are ugly... Someone compared these two thing, but I think they are two separate issues. You don't get to choose your sexuality (unless your hammered, haha!) You can choose whether or not you are going to make a window licker kid in some aspects, like fucking your close blood relatives, that can be avoided.

This next section is for the fairer sex, I overheard a chick on break at school tonight freaking out cause she liked some dude. They are not dating, but she is pissed cause he fucked some broad and he should know that she likes him. It took a lot not to walk over to her and explain the world to her, but she is still young with hopes and dream so I let her go. Lesson #1. If we aren't dating you we will fuck whoever we damn well please unless there is some agreement in place that specifically denies that kind of action, and it won't happen without you putting out. Do not ever give a guy shit for shagging some chick cause you like him but won't ask him out or won't date him, your fault and your problem. If he broke the rules or you are together and he fucks around, cut his balls off and teach him a lesson, then punch the other cunt right in the ovaries, chicks always know that a guy is cheating, guys sometimes don't, whether due to their own purposeful ignorance, or being lied to. Guys are too dumb and vocal about shit, most chicks I know are much more secretive and cunning when it comes down to it, it really is a surprise that women don't rule the world. They probably do, but just let guys thunk they are in charge half the time, hahaha!

I was kind of watching tv the other night, not really paying attention cause I was reading the news online, but I thought I saw a suckers jam commercial that seemed to imply that the kid(s) in the commercial knew how to read because they ate this product. Are you fucking kidding me?! I think advertising and marketing people should be placed in a burlap sack after being skinned and thrown into a vat of salt water while people stand around and piss on them.

I tried the Google Buzz thing, what a waste, aside from being a major invasion of privacy, it was just dumb, I turned it off and urger you all to do the same if you have a Gmail account. I love Gmail and use a lot of it's jive, my phone is fully integrated with Google and it rocks, but the buzz thing just sucks, I hate facebook and myspace enough, this is just the worst thing ever. And this is for Spanky, if she is reading, what the FUCK is linkedin? You sent me the invite and I accepted and did some of the preliminary shit for it, but I have no clue what it is and what purpose it serves, hope it helped you by accepting, but please give me a bit of info on that whole thing.

Tammy and Red, hope I didn't wig you out or creep you out with my texts on Saturday, was in a real fucked up place, and I tried talking to a couple buddies who tried to make a joke out of it so I was just looking for soon to yak at for a bit. I was on the beer and not in the best of places.

The band is starting to piss me off royally. One thing is said at practice or decided, and then off the record during the week, shit goes down and deals get made with two of the three, or things get said that the third shouldn't hear and it is getting annoying. Either you are in or out and in for a certain purpose, no reason to grand stand or talk shit. With the funk I have been in since November, I really am about ready to tell them all what they can do about it, but then again I just spent about 2000 on making my drums sound better for being in a metal band and upgrading gear and still have more to go next time I get an infusion of cash, I hope I am not wasting my time and effort. I worry about money and touring and losing my apartment and job like the rest of them, even though they both live at home. They pay their share of the bills, but when push comes to shove, I will be the only one homeless, jobless, and carless after tour.

My lease ends in April, I have a place picked out I want to live, just need a roommate to do it. I don;t make enough to live on my own in a place I would be ok with moving into. The band talked about getting a house or at least one of them getting a place with me, but one wants to live in the party section of town with no free or included parking and far from everything I want to be close to, and the other wants to live in an area on the other side of the city I don't want to be in. Then there is the line of thinking that if I choose one, the other will be pissed, but they probably both will be if I go somewhere else, but I have had the best experiences with total strangers and women for roommates. Women are a little more clean/tidy and better with bills and strangers are on time. With friends people always try to let stuff slide and think it is ok to be late or be short on cash, the world doesn't work that way baby. Long story short, I need a roommate for May 1st, currently looking.

Ok, this has been enough shit, probably could have gone into more detail in some things and this self correcting type has probably fucked me more than it has helped, but here it is, the last bit of my life splayed open for you, my loyal fans, hahaha! I am going to make a better effort at this and to start reading your blogs again, just short in time, work and school and two bands aside from trying to make the gf feel like she matters cause she does and I like being with her more than I like being without her and that is as mushy as I am going to get about it, if she reads this she knows it's about the best compliment I can give her and her opinion s the one that matters on this issue, but if she doesn't think it is good enough, sorry.

Have a safe week all, have some fun, don't die and I will try to get to your stories and tales and let you know what I think of them, just may take a while.

The bitter (and possibly depressed, anxiety ridden, obsessive compulsory, alcoholic, and just plain f'd) Jarhead

much love

alcohol abuse or proactive anxiety prevention part 2. READ PART 1 FIRST

That is the band, we did a photo shoot finally, this is one of the first pictures my bassist/backup singer (left) has had the time to edit and send us. We aren't putting the new pics up on the site till we get some new recordings done with the current line up playing on them (me). I play some of the songs on the site now when we do shows, but we play more of the new stuff we are writing, so if you are in the area and can catch a show, you will here a few songs from the site and some new shit too! Next show is 20 March, I'll post a flier in case anyone is local around then.

So, I am subbed out to another electrical contractor for the time being because my boss has no work, I have been working on a chicken farm in Pembroke, NY and spent the first 7 weeks mostly in the compost barn. This is where they store the chicken shit, rank ass jive, chicken manure is pretty rancid and they were using the barn for the storage of said shit for the last 3 weeks I was working in there. I had a video clip of it, but the quality was pretty bad. The people are decent I work with, but now apparently there is a discrepancy with my hours and I have to go haggle with the boss about it, foreman and I are not sure who fucked up, probably both if us did, an hour one week or another week, but there is one week where we don;t match by 8 hours. So now I look like an asshole who is trying to rip off my boss and have to deal with that shit, fuck me and now I will be worries to the point of stomach cramps about it till Thursday when I go in to talk with my boss about it and start figuring it out, only I haven't kept track, never heard anything in the 3 months I have been working with these guys so thought I was doing things properly. Need a better job, the old lady's old man offered to help me get into the boilermakers union though, 20 an hour to start take home, not a bad gig at all.

The first few weeks I was working on the farm, doing electrical work in the new barns they are building, I was working with this super femenazi chick. Now lets get one thing straight from the beginning, I am totally down with the woman's lib jive, I think it is about goddamn time you chicks got the fuck out of the house and made some scratch. This chick however, just hates men just because they are men and she must have gotten fucked over pretty bad. Every other sentence out of her horse toothed mouth was spewing hate about stupid men and how stupid they are and how smart she is and how she gets shit just because she is a chick. She wants everything both ways, and this is where I find fault with her and anyone like her who pretends to be a feminist. You don't get it both ways, you either get treated like every other guy on the job site, or we tone it down, and play nice around you and treat you like a lady and be chivalrous and all that. Pick one. You don't get the best of both worlds. I will treat you either way, just let me know, but I would rather treat you like an equal and like I treat everyone else. The last straw was when she went on a 20 minute tirade about how the government and corporations were against women in the workforce because a woman's work boot weighed less than a man's because it was made with less quality and women's carhart's are more expensive because she wanted some wee shade of pink ones and they require more material cause you chicks have can's. That is just stupid. We had to sit through her shit and listen to her and suck it up cause if any of us had said anything she told us she had her lawyer on speed dial and would sue the shit out if us, the company, and the owner of the job we were working on. I hate one sided shit , but like having a job...

I am going to apply for the boilermakers next month and see what happens, I may have to give up school for a while if I do get that job, but I will be able to afford my student loans so I could pull it off. I have been having second thoughts about the mechanical engineering thing, sitting in these law classes makes me think I could probably pull off being a lawyer and that would be a cool gig as well. Not sure what to do, law school would probably be a bit easier than an engineering degree, but the engineering degree I can get at night school, law, not so sure. I also plan on moving to Seattle next summer, there are a couple good engineering schools out there and apparently I have some family out there that might be able to help me out. Unless something drastic changes, I am going to head out there next year, I hate Buffalo, it is a dead city and the state if NY is so fucked it is not even funny. The country is fucked as a whole, don;t get me wrong there, but as much as I wanted to never get political with this, I may mention a couple things here tonight.

One of those things is the recent Supreme Court ruling that more or less says that corporation's now count as citizen's and have rights of free speech and can contribute unlimited amounts of money to campaign's. The entire government on every level is now for sale to the highest bidder. Not to mention that a lot of these corporations are multi matronal so that means that there will be a lot of foreign money funding our elections, just seems wrong to me. The gun rights thing is ramping up as well, saw a thing today on the Huffington Post that said Starbucks allows patrons to carry now. Weird, but not sure if I really have a big problem with it. It sounds shocking at first, but we do have the right to own weapons in this country in case the government ever gets out of hand and the people need to rise up and take it down. Should there be limits on it? Of course, I am not some whack-job that thinks everyone should walk around looking like a character from Halo or Doom, but I don't have a problem with people that are responsible and mature enough to have guns to have them within reason. I am not really sure where to draw the lines though, the people that use guns to do ill to others will do it no matter what the laws or regulations and I would not be caught in a position where I could not defend my house and family, if I ever get sucked into having one, haha! Things have gotten to a certain point in this country and now have to be dealt with in certain ways in order to prevent total fucking anarchy, does it suck? Yes, but sometimes it is the lesser of the evils I fear. Onto part 3, the random notes I have made of things I wanted to mention, I will work on learning how to do transitions, I promise, not sure when just bear with me for a while people...

It's not alcoholism, just proactive anxiety prevention, part 1.

Ok, I know it has been a while since I have seen you fuckers and I miss you. I can make excuses and shit, but who really cares? Hopefully some of you will have not forgotten how we survived Nam and the Red Scare together and will lend an ear to an old cohort. This will probably be long as shit and pretty random, I may try to break this up into parts, depending on how much energy (beer) I have tonight. I will attempt not to go off on tangents too bad, but thats why I may break it up into a couple parts, still not sure how long one of these things is supposed to be... any input anyone?

Ok, first and foremost, the market was having a sale on girlfriends, so I picked on up that was last years model, saved a bundle, though she is a little broken, my kind of kid, by last years model I mean we met last year so put the pitchforks down. By broken I mean her butt, in case someone who reads this knows her I won't say what it is, but safe to say, no butt humpin for me. Not that that bothers me, never really cared one way or the other about it, know some dudes that won't shag a broad unless they can drop a load in her ass, not a big deal to me, the other side smells better and is more fun. The end result of this is that there will be no more drunken debauchery stories involving random chicks, there should still be some drunken escapades though, there have been a couple, but havent had the drive or income to do much lately, more on that later. So this chick is ok, we get along pretty good and I dig her. Not sure what else to say about her, she puts up with me and my shit, and her shit isn't too bad so far.

SIDE NOTE - If one mother fucker tells me that this doesn't make sense cause this ended up going into more than one part and they read the wrong part first, I will by the grace of some god hunt you down...

I finally have health insurance, I found out I am still eligible to get some benefits from the VA (Veterans Administration) and though my 5 yrs of free jive has ended, I still am poor enough to get stuff for free this year. Next year I will have to submit my income and see if I still qualify. When I bitch about being broke I mean it, the cutoff for free VA care was somewhere around 29k, I missed it by a good clip, partially due to being on un-enjoyment for 5 months, partly cause I have a shitty job that doesn't pay dick. Anyway, I went in and started running the line of doctors, and for some god forsaken reason, I was being honest with them, mistake number 1. Mistake number 1 came with what I am going to call my overlord of the VA, as far as I figure, it is her job to keep tabs on me and make sure I don't get fucked over too badly, show up to my appointments, and have someone to talk to whenever I need it. (m,w,f,9-4 if available...)

This was on my initial visit and working on background and all that jive. We were talking about sleep and my issues with it, mainly that I don't do it often or well except for the last two months, and thats all I have any inclination to do, even if I don't sleep, I just lay in bed all day unless I have to work or the boss (gf) drags me out of the house and makes me shave and go buy food. So this dame asks me about my sleep and I tell her a little about it and that I can only fall asleep sober in one specific position. She asks me what I mean by falling asleep sober. I almost walk the fuck out and even refrain from telling her that it obviously means when I am not drunk you stupid twat. Didn't think that would get me very far so I said it means exactly what it sounds like, when I am wrecked I can sleep anywhere and anyway, sober, not so much.

After the lecture on R.E.M. sleep and why I am an asshole, she recommends the behavioral science social worker, fuck me, now they think I am crazy, possibly with PTSD and now I have to deal with this shit and people asking me about why I drink so much and am so irritable and pissed off and anti social and sensitive to light and all that crap. I get the smoking lecture as well, and the high blood pressure lecture from the nurse too.

A couple weeks later I go to the social worker, in under 30 minutes this one pegs me with severe anxiety, depression, and obsessive compulsive disorder along with a drinking and tobacco problem. Wow... now I am left to wonder and overanalyze everything I think and do. Am I making an accuse and blaming it on that shit, or am I really some mutant freak? Although since about November, I have been on a pretty steady decline. I see the first real shrink on the 15th of this month, so we shall see. This past week/weekend was one of the worst. I wasn't in a bad mood per se, but I just didn't give a third of a shit about any possible thing in the world. Wish the misses wasn't around to see it, but she got a good helping of it and I felt bad for that. She knew something was up because I wasn't my usual chipper self... She asked what was wrong and I told her I just didn't care about anything at the moment and there was nothing that could make me feel anything for or about anything at that moment. The poor thing thought it was her or her fault so I was worried about that but she even went as far as to say "Well I bet if I blew you right now you would give a fuck." (She always knows just what to say:)) I just shrugged and looked at her and said " yeah I probably would tell you not to waste your time, I just don't care babe, nothing personal and I can't stress that enough, however, I am just that apathetic right now". Instead of calling me a fuck and leaving and gong to get some dick from someone who isn't a prick, she stayed, got bombed with me, didn't talk much, let me win a game of pool, and watched a bunch of weird al videos on youtube and most of Christopher Titus, Norman Rockwell is Bleeding, also on youtube. Couldn't ask for hardly any better of a broad. She didn't make it all through Titus though, fucker. You guys have to check that out, if you haven't, go to youtube and type in that title, it is 9 parts, and one of the best stand up video's ever. Maybe I do need to yak at some witch doctor (shrink) for an hour or so to figure something out, but I thought I was doing ok enough getting plowed and sleeping as much as possible.

Got stuck on the highway on the way to work Friday, 2 hours and 10 minutes without moving cause some dumb southern trucker doesn't realize you can't drive 75 in ice and slush and jack knifed his semi, the pic below is two of my buds from work who were stuck about half a mile behind me. The real bitch of it aside from losing time off the clock? The first tow truck on the way to save the day broke the fuck down... are you fucking kidding me?! Part two to follow... not editing, so forgive grammatical and spelling errors, I am in a hurry and have a lot to talk about, getting much more random from here on out...

fantasy beats reality, 0-1

real post coming soon, if anyone is still listening...

apathy rules, fuck reality, the VA may be right but to hell with those pinko commie bastards!!! Let me know if I should waste my time...

Fuck two thousand and swine

Don't know how to get music on here, so if possible and able, put the song "Life of Mine" from Five.Bolt.Main in the background as you read this to set the mood:)

Here I sit on Saturday morning, rather stand as I am in my office (basement) with a pot of coffee strong enough that my friend had to water it down (score 1 for me, seriously, this shit will pucker your asshole instantly, great shit.) and two sips had me running for the washroom to lose a few pounds of Christmas cookies. I have a pack of smokes, no hangover, the house to myself for the weekend, and an empty bed, I sure know how to fucking party, eh? Last night I got home from festivities around 1500 and played video games until 0000, had one and a half beers and talked to my cat about the year in review.

This is my new beer coozy, think it may be my new profile picture, I'll put it to a vote here, if the votes for yea outnumber the nay's it stays.

This is what 2000 and swine did to me, I am the deer on the left...

Like my partner in functional alcoholism V, the first few moments of new years eve stuff sucked fetid donkey balls. (cap's left off because I hate it that much) I was with the the girl I was dating at the time, the super hippie from Toronto, guess she couldn't find a date for the night. I had just gotten laid off a week before x-mas, and was stone sober because she didn't like booze of any kind. We sat on the couch and watched the ball drop, she didn't even kiss me, we went to bed and no play time for the white kid either:( She snored and hogged the covers too, bitch... The spring semester was hard and I didn't find a job until the end of May. I spent the summer drunk which was ok, playing with my two new bands and slowly realizing my new job sucked more than a hooker on pay day. Had a small hope that the tour my band was supposed to go on for 7 weeks would be the vacation and adventure I needed for my sanity and to punish my liver for burning dinner the week before... Well two weeks before it went off, after I had dropped school for the semester and all that, the band who shall remain nameless so I don't get sued, freaked out that we were going to make a measly 150 a show and get our rider of food and a hotel room. The two guys that bitched would have lost about 35 bucks a night with us getting paid. We were told we were now doing 7 weeks on the road for free and we should be lucky that we didn't have to pay them to play each show. They are a good band, they used to be kinda big, sort of... They don't warrant a pay to play tour, especially since we (my band I wasn't in the band for last years tour) toured with them last year and got paid, we are a national touring band for fuck sake, not as big as they are, but still in the same category, we are signed to a record label and have a fan base around the country for all intensive purposes. We did not go. My life has sucked immensely since tour was supposed to happen, my car broke down, had to borrow money and not pay bills to get it fixed, from me letting other people use my stuff at the open mic my other band hosts, I have $500 of shit to replace that I cannot afford and an important show tonight, my phone went for a swim (more on that later), and everything in general has just sucked. I can't help but think things would not have been so shitty had I been on the road, I also would have gotten to possibly meet and have beers with some of you hip cats and kittens, the three of you who read this dribble, ha ha ha! Had a good prospect on a new job, didn't go in my favour and went through one psycho bitch after another, each more fucked up than the last. And I cut my nipple shaving once over the summer too, hurt worse than getting it pierced.

This year for new years, I may have a gig, opening slot so I will be sweaty, half drunk, and downtown with 3000 worth of drums in my car on the night with the most crime, cops, and retards out imaginable. Gig probably won't happen, hope it doesn't, but the only offer I have so far is to go hang out with a skirt I can't fuck in a place where I can't get drunk. I have a show in Erie, PA on the first at night, so I can only drink till about 6am, but that isn't a problem, though I will probably just sit at the house and play a game that lets me knife people in the kidney's. I will be on the beer however, a couple of you may get drunk dialed/texted, but probably not, cause I have done it a couple times and no one is up or bored by the time I get housed, I don't call ex's and whine, I call random people and try to tell jokes or at least be entertaining, not sure if it works, ha ha ha! As far as a resolution goes? Not sure, not going to do the stupid hippie jive everyone else does, " I want to not be a fat fuck", or "I want world peace and babies not to cry", or "I am going to do this year for me", ect, fuck that shit, it is all just talk. A bunch of pathetic whining that never gets accomplished anyway. I guess I will just try to stay away from the psycho's and dick bags that made this last year so unrelentingly miserable.

So, last weekend I went to an ugly sweater party, it was a small crowd and really nice and cool people, hope I didn't make an ass out of myself and they would hang out with me again, I caught this one broad peepin me most the night, but her bud told me she is dating someone, wonder why that never came up when we were chatting, ha ha ha! Oh well, back into the pond. I was peeled and after about 13 beers, I was out and had to switch to Jack, my arch nemesis, I hate Jack more than I hate the homeless 22 yr old Nam vet who is better dressed than I am asking me for money outside of Walmart. That kid will die by my hand one day, and I promise it will be slow and painful and I will be laughing my dick off the entire time. By about my third mug of Jack, I think I remember my phone slipping out of my hand and into said beverage, fail. We ended up going to the local scissor hut after the party for a friend of a friends birthday party, I was still capable of coherent conversation too! Is it bad that even on 13 beers and a half bottle of Jack that people don't believe I am drunk? Instead of chasing tail with the other guys, my dumb ass spent an hour sitting outside chain smoking and talking to this dame about how to get the girl she liked to notice her. I should just hang my hat up now and become a fucking Eunic or however the sex you spell it. (mac dictionary has failed me again which means I am not even close!) I went to the T-mobile store the next morning after about 4 hours of sleep and a slight headache, the guy asks me what happened cause it has water damage. I told him what I remember and he asked if it was me that had booze scented cologne on. I told him how much I had imbibed the prior evening and he was astonished, not a good sign:) 130 fucking dollars to replace this hippie ass piece of shit phone WITH FUCKING INSURANCE!!! Well the 100 I had for x-mas shopping was gone, I officially suck. My mom saved the day by sending me a couple things to wrap for my sister's fuck trophies and my grandmother so I didn't look like a complete shit heel. She also replaced my drum tuner for xmas, it was "lost" earlier in the year but the guy that "didn't steal it and doesn't know anything about it" off'd himself so I can't bitch anymore... fucker.

Hoping to get some good pictures from the show tonight, rumor of an after party, not sure if it is true. Supposed to be a good crowd and a lot of people seem genuinely interested in the guitar raffle, we are autographing it for the winner at their request, hope it goes well, the proceeds from it are going towards our new PA.

My boss ran out of work/money so he loaned me to another company for a few weeks, going to see if they will hire me, but they probably won't since this group of electrical contractors work together and share employee's when needed. It is a bigger and better company though. I got back into school for January, have to do fin aid, and hope there are still some useful classes left open.

Have a good weekend everyone, be safe, but have a shit ton of fun, I look forward to reading/hearing about it!

Cheers,

The bitter Jarhead

Put some fucking pants on you slag!

I thought of a new pick up line I wanted to test here because none of the three of you are close enough to punch me in the face for it in the event that it sucks... here goes. "Hey, want to eat, drink, or fuck together sometime?" This may be the line that lands me my dream girl, Weird Al described her very well in a song called "Close, but no cigar". A world famous billionaire bikini supermodel astrophysicist. Hip tune, check it out.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtMU8nvZzOs Hope the video works ok, but the audio was good on my witchcraft box...

I didn't do shit this past weekend so no horror stories, I skipped town and hid out at a friends house. I had to cook dinner and help clean, but I didn't have to talk to anyone or do fuck else and it was awesome. Kind of sucks she has a couple of fuck trophies, though methinks she is a little too religious for my taste in the long term and she is a sweet kid and deserves someone a little better off and on the same level as her. She is a cool friend and stuff though. This may end up being short but I do have a couple of things I would like to touch on as well as my first segment that I hope to make a consistent weekly thing I will unveil at towards the end. I am uploading a video, hope the quality is ok, I took it on my phone at work. If it is decent, I will try to do one a week of something cool of annoying:)

I submitted my application to re-enter school, do a semester at UB then applying to Buff State since they offer mechanical engineering at night and JewB doesn't. I wonder if I should be in a hurry to grow up or if I should just let things take their course. I mean I am 28 now and one foot in the grave, but come on, I am kind of glad I am not tied down with kids and a house and shit, I can still go play with my bands and have fun and don't have to answer to anyone for anything. I seem to notice most people my age have a career and all that shit though... I am a work in progress it seems, it is probably a good thing I don't have kids or a significant other currently, I couldn't afford either and I can barely take care of my own ass and keep myself out of trouble. Speaking of which, I am going to my first private party Friday night, yes thats how pathetic my life is, 28 and my first big party, hahaha! A local radio cat is hosting it, he has become a bud of mine through the metal band. It is an ugly sweater party, I have to go buy some nasty looking xmas sweater and wear it,m but there should be lots of booze and broads... Maybe I can have a stimulating conversation with a nice girl, and by that I mean some freaky drunken hate sex.

As long as we are on the subject of dames, I pose a question to both dudes and chicks. If you were toe opposite sex for a day, what would you do? I don't expect anyone to admit their answers to me, but I will share mine since I am that easily amused. I probably wouldn't get out of bed before noon because I would be enamored with my cans. I would probably just poke one and giggle at it over and over again then bitch cause they got in the way every time I moved or tried to pick something up. They are cool, and god bless you ladies for slingin them things around, but I am glad I don't have them myself. However, that is no excuse for you not to wear fucking pants. I cringe every time I see someone at school or out in public in their goddamned pajama pants or sweats, I mean come on, at least have the common courtesy to put some clothes on that you didn't sleep in. I am not saying I know sex about shit when it comes to fashion, some of you know this first hand:), but come on, I am about as unmotivated as it gets some days and I still put clean real clothes on when I leave the house. I own a couple pair of pajama pants and wear them at the house or if I am at someone else's piece and hanging out for the night watching movies and whatnot, but I don't put them on until I am there. At least track pants are real clothes and it makes people think you could be on the way to or from the gym...

My transitions suck tonight and for that I apologize, but if you are still here then lets fucking rock! My mind is all over the place tonight and I don't have enough booze in me to focus on one thing at a time yet so deal with it. I thought of a new slogan for my cover band, something to put right under the name when I get around to learning how to and actually re-making the website. it will read as such... "Zazz Blammymatazz... Lock up your fucking daughters!" My bass player loved it and it made me smile.

I received a huge shout out from my newest blogging friend Spanky. Her blog is called Spanky loves it, and is definitely worth a read, she likes Twatlight, but is still a hip chick. She told me I remind her of most of her ex's, that made me laugh as well as sit back and think, "Wow, pissed one off I have never even met... that is a new one." I know I am bad at the relationship game, but fuck, that is a new way to fail. However, big ups to Spank-a-tronic for the shout out!

I have been told by some people that I complain too much, first of all, Fuck you. Second, well, thats all I have. Not really, I do complain, I try to be humorous about it most of the time, but I think a lot of it comes from my time in the military. We complained and it kept us busy and helped us deal. I remember a few times during the war when food was slightly scarce and we were sitting around bitching that we were hungry. Shortly thereafter we had more MRE's delivered and tossed the case aside yelling about how we would rather starve than eat that shit... then we ate it:( Small example, but the point is this- I bitch alot, more than most and maybe too much, however, comma, pause for effect, as long as I can find something to bitch about, (and I will!) then everything is ok. Once shit gets bad enough that I can't even complain about anything, there is a clock tower awaiting V and I with a bottle of whiskey, bottle of vodka, and a couple rifles to begin the cleansing of all the mouth breathing fuck-tards.

Now, before I close I want to unveil my new section, I have named it "People I hope get raped by a rabid wombat". This weeks winner is that hypocritical, corn shucking, ass bag, Scott Stapp from Creed. I was so happy when they broke up, I though to myself, "Creed is gone, don't have to hear their shit music evermore!" But then the two factions each made their own band...

that both sounded JUST LIKE FUCKING CREED!!!!!!! Fuck?!?!?! I tore half of my hair out and strangled a hooker just to get over it. I stopped listening to radio, half because of that. Now those dick bags are back at it, and now he is bald I heard, what a fucking tool bag. I can't even think of a fate horrible enough for him, but I am trying.

I shall return soon, should have some good stories from the party this weekend, maybe I can find some trouble to get into Saturday night as well! Have a good week all, stay warm and safe, have a shit ton of fun and remember to fucking smile or laugh at something, it will keep you sane. Also if you need a laugh, I recommend a couple of podcast's that you can find in the Itunes store. Sick and Wrong, Vomitus Prime, and the Pissed off World of Uncle Hal Radio Show.

Cheers,

Kris

Take your happy-go-lucky motivational speech about rainbows and sunshine and shove it up your ass...

Sorry for the delay, had some shit go down, I guess I'll start at the end and work back from there for the most part whilst trying to not be too random with a few other things so here goes...

Snow day at work today, it's 10 Dec, anyone in the North East knows what is goin down. Wish I was at work though, need the money, but didn't want to be outside all day in a foot or so of snow with temperatures hovering around 2 degrees fucking Kelvin. However, it gives me time to catch up on your blogs as well as write mine, sorry I have been absent friends. I had a bit of a meltdown the other day that fueled most of this, it stared last week.

I decided I hate my job, does this look like what a goddamned electrician does?!

I spent last week building signs for property my boss buys and wants to try to flip and learning a bit about changing shocks on a 61 mustang (think it's a 61, don't know sex about shit when it comes to cars...) Anyway, a week ago Sunday I decided to look for better jobs, something inside and more clean and nice with benefits maybe, if thats not too much to ask. I applied at Bank of America, a friend of mine works there and was helping me along with Red and another friend of mine with my resume, cover letter, and picking out something to wear for the interview. I submitted my application and within 12 hours I had an offer to take the online test to see if you would be any good at the collections job. Smoked the test, it was an hour long and you weren't supposed to finish, my time? 32 minutes fucking flat, suck it. Blew through the phone interview in 6 minutes and was offered a real interview for Monday the 7th. Knocked that out of the water. Tue went back for final interview... this cock sucker took one look at my resume and didn't want to listen to a word that came out of my mouth. He told me that there was nothing in my resume that qualified me in any way shape or form to do any aspect of this job that dealt with teamwork, stress, and people management along with being good with people. Noting? What about the 7 years in the Marines where I spent 6 months living in an M1-A1 fucking tank?! On a crew of 4 people, that takes some team work to stay alive, that could be a little stressful when PEOPLE ARE FUCKING SHOOTING AT YOU!!!!! Or how about when I as an E-4 was doing the job of someone 3 years ahead of me AND the job of someone with a 4 yr degree at the same time as doing my own job? Thats not people skills? Thats not getting shit done and managing my time and people? Fuck you, you piece of shit. Tuesday was the last straw for me, I left my house in a $1000 suit with a hope and a fucking dream, how stupid of me, but goddamn I do clean up pretty nice...

Yes, I did take out all of my piercings and was clean shaven when I went in, two hours later...

Add carharts, snow, cold, and me being soaked through and picking up scrap metal out of said snow for my boss at some house he bought for 8k that will take 50 to fix before he moves the house and garage to the other side of the lot... the yard is full of garbage and scrap metal and he wanted us to gather it up, what a change of pace eh? I received the "go to hell" email less than two hours after I left the bank, how did I make it so far so easily and then just get blown off? I spent a good amount of money getting ready and missing time from work that is unpaid for all these interviews too, pig. Oh well, keep looking I suppose. That change and that day just dropped the last shred of hope that I had though, I left work and told a couple people not to look for me and grabbed a case and a couple packs of smokes, went to my office (basement), turned my phone off, and did some work (got fucked up). Turned my phone back on after a few hours to vent to a couple people and saw 12 calls, 5 voice mails, and 10 texts from my bands pissed cause they couldn't get a hold of me. Ignored them all and called a buddy who let me bitch for a bit, but after 45 min of me yelling at him, pretending he was everyone I was pissed at he got sick of it and had to go, hahaha!

By about midnight or so, I was pretty worn out, and not so much pissed as much as just defeated. Wednesday was a little better, just completely apathetic about everything, I realized I am so stressed about money, work, bills, broads, bands, and everything else, that I get no enjoyment out of anything anymore, not even the stuff I normally love, music and booze, and friends. Everything seems to be an exercise in futility. Today is Thursday and I am a little better, just more bummed, but hoping I can keep looking for a new job, sick of construction, but no one in an office or anything wants to take a chance on a stupid construction worker who is x military. A couple people expressed genuine concern, a few pretended to care until they realized I wasn't dead, and then back to the same old shit once I was found to be ok enough to be of use to them.

Why does it seem that everyone has a hidden agenda? Are there no real friends anymore that would do something for the sake that they aren't an asshole? There are a few of you excluded from this and you know who you are, but for the most part it seems more of a friendship of usefulness, once they can't get anything out of you they stop wanting to hang out. Whatever, you will be weeded out and dealt with accordingly.

I do have a good story from the weekend... Saturday I went out for the first time in quite a while, didn't have much cash so I started at the practice space with a friend and we started drinking... hard. 2 hours later we went back to his place to get ready to leave and his mom did a few shots of brandy with me. I am currently at 12 beers and two glasses of brandy, lol. We hit the bar with another acquaintance. Come to find out, he wants to nail some chick who is a friend of mine, hadn't known before that, and he was pissed. Threw a bunch of shit at me and told me some nasty shit about the situation and got me kind of worked up, we left for another bar and then this scumbag ditches me in the middle of the city. I don't venture into downtown Buffalo often, don't know my way around too well, especially drunk and at night. My friend was apparently still at the bar and didn't know what had happened. I wandered around for an hour in the freezing cold and finally collapsed in a hotel lobby, was told to leave and flipped a dude off then started puking and passed out. Woken up by a cop some 30-60 minutes later who asked what the fuck I was doing there, I told him I didn't know, didn't know where I was because I am new to the city, was ditched by a "buddy" and was fucked up. Then my friend texted me and asked where the hell I was and why I had been gone for over an hour, (convenient timing I think, but maybe I am too paranoid...) so I told the cop what bar he was at and that he was my ride and instead of going to jail, I get a ride back to the bar and a piece of fucking gum! Tell me I don't have people skills, I dare you... Went back into the bar and continued to drink because I am that smart. I find out yesterday that the reason I still had the 25 in my wallet was because I used my card a couple times, though I suspect that the one dude had my wallet and when he handed me "his" card to buy me a drink cause he's a nice guy, he was fucking me dry. I never use my card, especially if I have money, apparently I was nice enough to buy slices after the bar closed as well... you motherfucking waste of sperm. Safe to say if I see that one fucktard again, I am probably going to shove a railroad spike straight down his fucking piss hole and chop off a couple of his fucking fingers. I may not extract my revenge from him, haven't decided yet, but if I do, stand the fuck by...

On a lighter not, the cover band played a couple weeks ago and we ended up with our first review! It was glowing, but it was on craigslist... what the hell? The dude loved us and said to check us out whenever we play and that we are a lot of fun. We were fucked up, and we did have fun, our cover band is more about good times and fun than anything else, we play 90's grunge and we are all pretty good musicians so we can play those easy tunes and fuck with each other while hammered:) Zazz Blammymatazz, my cover band, is a load of fun, the stress isn't there like in DisplaceD, we don't have a record label breathing down our necks to hurry and finish our new album so we can tour again.

Speaking of my metal band, to anyone in the area, 26 Dec we are playing a big show at a newly revamped and re-themed (insert proper word there) metal bar called Broadway Joe's. New sound system and stuff, we are doing a signed guitar raffle and have a couple of other cool bands opening for us. We also hired the best light guy in the tri-state area to put the icing on the cake for the show. It will be a blast if your in town, let me know, there are a couple spots on the guest list available and I am single so don't have anyone on there yet. We are also playing in Erie, PA on Friday, 1 January, supposed to be another great show so feel free to stop on in to either and have a beer with us! www.myspace.com/displaced We have one or two brand new songs we will be playing that will be on the new album coming out sometime in 2010.

More randomness, no good segue's left just some random notes I made over the last week or so I want to touch on. You cat's know I hate dealing with religion and politics here, however it is worth mentioning that the gay marriage thingy was shot down in New York. People are so scared of something and I don't get it, who the shit cares if they get married? For all those people like Jabba the Rush who complain about the sanctity of marriage, mother fucker, your on your fourth one, you fat, drug riddled, stupid piece of shit. You'll be rotting in hell, if it exists, before anyone else. While we are touching on fat people, sometimes I wish I was a fat fuck, then I could wear shorts all winter long and not be cold. I get a huge kick out of seeing these folks when it is below freezing out and they are waddling around in shorts like it's 30 years in the future and global warming has eradicated winter and the coastline. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm glad I'm not fat, not like I am the most in shape person, but I at least take moderate care of myself because I am not lazy. Granted, there are about 3% of people who are over weight who are actually medically buggared, but the rest are just lazy. If your offended, I don't care, probably means your one of them, I set my mind to it and lost weight when I started getting a gut a few years ago, if I can get something accomplished for my absent minded, easily distracted self, anyone can.

A couple of weeks ago at open mic, this kid came up to me when I ventured outside for a smoke and stared free-styling for about 4 minutes straight right in my face, anyone else ever have this happen? I wanted to cut his tongue out with my beer bottle, fuck I hate those people. If I wanted to hear shitty poetry and you brag about how great you think you are, how bad you are, and how much your lying about your ability to please skanky crackhead women and how big you want me to believe your prick is, I would go to a hip hop joint, not a fucking hard rock/metal bar for a musical open mic. I especially hate people who deliberately try to fake accents or ways of speaking that are completely unnatural and it is glaringly obvious. Although I thought of something that made me laugh along the lines of accents... If you say the phrase "thrill of the hunt" with that throaty middle eastern/Israeli thing that I can't do but sounds like hacking up a loogey, the last word sounds delightfully filthy and makes me giggle:) Yes I am that easily amused, sorry to those of you who thought I was a deep person, hahaha! I also am still getting the biggest kick out of facebook now that I switched the language to have my whole page in Pirate. It's in your language options on the bottom left on the home/news page. Go into the English part and look for Pirate, it is funny as shit.

Last note, my friend Red has launched a new blog about traveling and stuff and it is def worth a read, the link is http://www.cacdicedoestheworld.com

Hope everyone has a good rest of the week and weekend, I am skipping town for the weekend to a place with little to no reception and no interweb to chill out for a bit. Be safe, have fun, and come back with good stories!

Cheers and stay warm,

Kris